Shura's wings of freedom - Attack on Titan FanFiction - Levi x OC
by Yaritakya Yare
Summary: Even though Shura's father abused her in her childhood, she turns towards him after her home in Trost was destroyed by Titans. He then forces her to marry a man of a wealthy family. And she doesn't oppose. Shura didn't want to marry this stranger, but he gets into contact with her and pleases to get to know her. Little did she know how fundamentally this man is about to change her
1. prologue

Prologue

"Sir, she's still breathing " the doctor informed the tall man. He stepped away from the bed, where a small girl was laying. Her arms were covered in blood soaked bandages. " I'll need to refresh her bandages every two hours. From now on, she's to fight to survive " the doctor packed his bag and sat inside a chair next to the girls head. "I don't understand why she wanted to kill herself. Was I a bad father to her? I always tried to fulfill her wishes" the tall man on the other side of the room complained. "Mister Kupin. Your daughter is probably just hurt over the loss of your wife" the doctor consolated him. "Anyways, I have to take care of business. Make sure Shura doesn't die" the father said and left the room. The doctor brushed a strand of the girls dark brown her out of her face. "I'm not sure if you can hear me Shura. But you have to know, that your father is very concerned about your health. Also, your granny asked me to look after you" he whispered. It took six hours into the evening, until Shura awoke. Just the doctor, who fell asleep on the chair, was with her. The room was dark and empty. There was only her bed and a small closet. This wasn't her room. It was probably in the basement, next to the kitchen and rooms of their employees. "Doc, please wake up" Shura whispered and shook the doctor. The man opened his eyes and met her blue eyes. "Shura" he said in surprise. "Doc, I want to visit Granny" she said. "That's impossible. You know your father opposes" the doctor insisted. "Go to sleep, please Shura" he said and pushed her into the pillows. When she awoke, the room around her was shaking. "Where am I?" she asked without opening her eyes. "We're almost at Granny's" her father answered. Shura sat up and looked outside the window. They were inside a carriage. It was dark outside. "How long have I been sleeping?" she asked and looked to the ground. "A few days. I told your father that you wanted to visit your Granny, so he made it possible" the doctor explained. He sat across the carriage, next to her father. Then it went silent inside. Just the rhythm of the hooves of the horses were audible. The sound echoed from the walls of the houses across the street. "We arrived, Mister Kupin" the coachman said and opened the door. Shuras father left the carriage as first, followed by his daughter and at last the doctor stepped on the street. The coachman put their suitcases next to the door and left them. A butler opened the door, after Mister Kupin knocked twice. "Anush Kupin. Your mother awaits you" he greeted the small company ouside the house. He showed them inside, taking their suitcases with him and showing Shura to her room. The doctor checked on her, before she went straight to bed.

She had slept for two hours, when her door opened and someone crept into her bed. By the hands of the man, who now spread her legs forcefully, she knew it was her father. Shura closed her eyes and prayed, it wouldn't hurt. But she screamed anyways in incredible pain. When she woke up on the next morning, her father was nowhere to be seen. But her granny sat on her bed, ready to console her. Shura threw herself into the arms of her granny. They both knew what happened the night before. Granny heard Shura's screams. It was nothing new that her son abused his now 15 years old daughter. And it wasn't a secret either. But no one talked about it or tried to help Shura. "Are you okay, hummingbird?" her granny asked. Shura nodded. "yes. Can we go outside today? I want to stay away from him for a while" she pleased. Her voice was raspy and dark. She sounded like a raven. "what happened to your smooth voice little bird? It must have hurt like hell" granny whispered. She stood up and reached for a black dress. "This is a present" she said and gave it to Shura. Shura squealed and gave her granny a kiss. "Thanks" she said and got up to change into her new dress. Granny realised, that Shura wasn't very tall, but very skinny. Every bone was vincible on the small girls' body. "Shura. Would you like to live with me?" she aked her granddaughter. Shura nodded, without looking at her. Granny helped Shura into the dress. She combed her long hair and braided it to a bun. "Put on this hat" granny told Shura and gave her one of her own black hats. "We can go now, if you want" she told her. Shura nodded again and blushed. She wasn't used to decide what to do. "You look amazing" granny whispered as they slipped outside the back door. Shura really was beautiful. Her light blue eyes sparkled and her smile felt like sun after a long time of rain. This happiness only lasted a few moments. The dress covered all her self harming scars and the bandages, it made her look healthy skinny and not almost starved. Granny took Shuras hand and showed her the way through the streets of Trost, towards the gate. "Here's the market. Let's look for vegetables. I want to make a soup for dinner" granny said and smiled. Shura nodded and followed her. "Young Lady, step aside for Mister Lloyd" a tall mal shouted at her. Shura rushed to step aside and said sorry. She didn't want to get involved in trouble.

A few days later Granny and Shura sat outside a small restaurant. A woman in her mid thirtys served them tea and cake, the sun was burning down on them. But Shura wore a closed up black dress. Ever since they arrived in Trost, her father was acting weird around her. He even abused her every time she was around. And he kept fighting with granny, they screamed at each other and told each other bad names. Shura didn't want to think about it. Her granny fought for her. She didn't want to go back with Anush. But whatever he told her to to, she would do it. "The gate is opening! There was a titan attack in Shiganshina" someone shouted. Shura stood up in panic. "We have to go granny. Maybe there's something we can do" she screamed and dragged her granny towards the river. Three boats arrived, and the streets filled with people. Shura slipped through the crowd towards the food resources, where the refugees were gathered. Food rations were given and people were registered. "You will go with Hanfu Grau" a Garnison member told two women, who cried and held each others hands. They lined up with other people from Wall Maria, who followed Hanfu Grau, a rich factory director. Shura looked over the small place, where only a few refugees were left. Three children and a old man caught her eye. "Where are you staying?" she asked the elder. He smiled at her. "Still nowhere, young lady" he answered her question. "Do you want to stay with us? I can use a little help at home. You will get a bed and food, good work and friends" granny proposed. A Garnison man approached the group and Shura suddenly turned silent. She looked to the ground, shaking. "If it's okay" the elder said. The Garnison man was happy to get rid of the four refugees. "My name's Arthur, and that's my grandson Armin" the elder told granny on their way home. "I'm Eren. Eren Yeager. And that's Mikasa Ackermann. My parents adopted her when her parents were killed" one of the children said. They were the same age like Shura, only taller. Armin was shy, he cried and hold Arthurs hand. But Eren seemed grim, Shura still noticed that he had cried a lot. Mikasa followed them, quiet and observing. "Let's be friends" Armin suddenly said to Shura. In surprise Shura screamed and fled into granny's arms. "I'm sure you'll be good friends" she said, laughing.


	2. chapter 1

Chapter one

My day started like any other day. I woke up and changed into a black dress. Then I went downstairs to get breakfast. That's where everything was different. Granny died a soon after Arthur went away 846. Armin, Mikasa and Eren joined the Cadets only one year later. I was all alone in that big house for three years now. Only Michael and his wife Sonja lived here. Michaels father was granny's butler, now Michael is mine. But we were mostly friends, so he didn't need to do his job. I gave him his money anyways. "Dada!" I turned around and saw London, Sonjas son, how he walked towards me. He was almost two years old, and madly in love with me. "Hey little sunshine" I greeted him and took him on my arm. I rested him on my hip and brewed me a coffee with my free hand. "Where's mommy?" I asked him. He smiled and tried to talk. I sat him back down and he dissappeared out of the kitchen. "Good morning Shura" Sonja jawned and came into the kitchen, followed by London. He screamed and threw his little fists at her leg. "It's a long day. I have to visit the library and hand out the muffins. And Lady Diane asked for a birthday cake, so I need to go shopping first. Do you want to join me?" I asked Sonja and listed everything I had planed for the day. "I'm sorry but I have to visit Mr. Stein. London needs to be checked" she excused herself. She picked up her son and left the kitchen. I was used to her attitude. She always left without a goodbye, and Michael never greeted me. Even though I considered them my friends. To be honest, they were the only people I talked more to than just about my job. I had my own pastry at the ground floor. It went pretty well, I had a lot of tasks and people loved my cakes. It seemed like my only talent. Interacting with people was none of my talents. I was better off on my own, and since my father left me with granny I kept isolating myself. The less I talked the better my life was. I packed two bags and the muffins I made for the library. I hid a long kitchen knife inside my skirt and left my home. The way to the library wasn't that long, but still I walked for thirty minutes. When I arrived, the door was still locked. "Oh, it's you Shura. Come in" an elder lady said when she saw me. She opened the doors and led me inside the library. "I'm just dropping off the muffins you asked for, Miss Faun" I said and turned to leave. "Please stay for a while. I know how much you love to read" Miss Faun said and pushed me towards the selves filled with books. Without an answer I took off my grey coat and walked inside. I love the smell of books. That's what history smells like. Dry air and dust. Old ink and leather. My fingers slipped over the books and I scanned the shelves for an interesting one. "Leaders of the Survey Corps" I read out. It caught my eye. The book seemed new, it had golden letters printed on blue leather. I took it off the shelve and sat inside a chair. Without even realising it, the time went by and it was afternoon. I reached Erwin Smith' squad leader Levi Ackermann, a young man at the age of 31. Who apparently was described as very talented and worth of 1000 Survey Corps Cadets. "I have to go" I realised and brought the book back to its place. Then I left the library and stepped back on the streets. Screams greeted me, panic on the streets and people running towards the inner gate of Wall Rose. "It's the colossal titan! It's happening again" I heard a woman screaming. Then a loud bang overtuned everthing. I knew, there was a hole inside the wall. Trost would end up just like Shiganshina. Then I turned around an ran for my life, following everyone else. The first screams of horror and panic were audible right behind me. I looked overvmy shoulder and fell to the ground. There stood a titan, chewing on the remains of a human. I felt tears dwelling up in my eyes. Should my life end, right when I finally got comfortable with it? "I don't want to die" I said. I couldn't hold back the tears. A few years ago I wanted to die. I starved myself and I never truly recovered. Even now I was unhealthy skinny. I stood up again, running towars the inner gate. I turned around the next corner. The gate shouldn't be too far away. But the scene that greeted me, let me loose my hope. Several titans were slaughtering people I probably knew. I turned around and ran back to where I came from. But after the next corner a titan greeted me with a gruesome smile. I screamed in panic, as it let himself fall to the ground. Then it started crawling towards me with an insane speed. I was lost, I would probably die. The worst part of it wasn't the fact that I'm dying. It was the fact that no one would miss me. I screamed in panic and turned around to run away. My feet flew over the ground. I lost my shoes. I was still alive and chased by that titan. I turned around a corner and hoped to distract it, when I was lifted from the ground. I managed to get grip on that kitchen knife I hid in my skirt and pulled it out. A very tall titan hold me in his hand. I didn't see much of it. "No! Let me go" I screamed, my voice breaking. I panicked and started to cut the titan. But he grounted and threw me into his gigantic mouth, swallowing me whole. I slid down his throat, motionless. I should suffocate and drown in the stomach of a titan? I thought of London, his parents, granny and Arthur, Armin, Mikasa and Eren. Mostly about Eren, who never gave up without a fight. He always told me to figth. He woukd fight against the titans and kill every one of them. And when he said this, his eyes filled with fury and he got angry, his voive deepened and I was afraid of him. Not now, on my way down to the titans stomach. By the thought of Erens anger I was filled with rage. I picked up the knife and pushed it into the slimy and bloody skin of the titans throat. I eventually stopped falling, but now titanblood spilled out of the wound I gave it. I was soaking in its blood, but I didn't lelet go of that knife. It got stuck in its skin halfway down to its stomach. I started to cry and puked all over me. I coukd smell the blood and the rotting human flesh in the titans stomach. The air was wet and it smelled truly disgusting. "Save me" I screamed. The titan walked on as if nothing happened. I started to pray that someone might kill this asshole so I could crawl out of it. But instead, I heard screaming. I looked up, where I could see sunlight. The titan had opened his mouth to devour another poor human soul. Then the corpse of a woman slid by me. I stopped her by holding on to her foot. "Save..." she said. She wasn't dead bht almost. Then she pushed a small child towards me and I let go of her in order to take that child. It was onky about one or two years old and didn't cry in panic. "Come here" I whispered and hugged the child. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl. But it hid its face on my chest and hold on to my chlothes. Suddenly the titan began to move faster and we slid downwards. The knife in my hand lost grip. "We'll be alright. The Survey Corps will save us" I prayed and tried to calm down myself. I needed to save this child. Then the world turned upside down and came to rest. The titan fell to the ground and didn't move, so I started crawling up its throat, the child pressed against my chest. When I finally got ot of its mouth, my dress aas destroyed, i was dirty and smelly. But I lived, and so did that child. I sighted, hugged the child and let myself fall to the ground, right next to the titan.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes, I looked into the starry blue ones of a blonde and strong man. "She's alive, like you said" he shouted and helped me sit up. "Lady, is that your child?" he asked me. "No Sir" I answered. Another man approached us, smaller than the blonde one. His grey eyes seemed cold, but his whole appearance was nice and clean. Even his black hair was in place. "You're from the Survey Corps" I realised as I saw the wings of freedom on both of their jackets. "What have you done? Did you crawl out of that titan?" thw black haired guy asked. I nodded and showed him my bloody knife. "I stuck my knife into the flesh of his throat. Then I stopped that child from falling into the stomach. I couldn't save the mother though" I explained. I still was exhausted, and stareto get hungry. But I didn't let my weakness overcome me. "Here, stand up. If you walk down that road, you'll reach the other refugees" the blonde man told me and showed me the way.

After the hole inside the wall of Trost was sealed, I went to look what was left of my home. The child, it was a boy, still tugged to my chest. But there was nothing. My home war buried beneath stone and the remains of a titan. I lost everything and there was nowhere to go now. Sonja, Michael and London left right after the attack and didn't returned. I lost my friends and my home. I lost my past and who I thought I was. "What's your name, Lady?" a Garnison member asked all of a sudden. "Shura Roxanna Anushka Fenriz-Kupin" I answered automatically. "That child. Is that yours? What's the name?" he asked. "His name is Fenris, but he's not my son" I explained. I gave him the name Fenris after the brave Commander Fenris Targayen, who stole food for the poor until he was decapitated many years ago. At least it should be his name until I figured out who he really was. "Where do you go now?" he asked again. "I will return to my father" I told him. There was no point in avoiding it. My father was the last hope I had. "Let me take you to Targon" he said and pushed me towards a carriage. I went inside and squeezed myself between two men carefully not to hurt the boy. I didn't look at my surroundings. Everything was in a blur. I just knew, nothing changed and I was going right towards hell. "What do you want in Targon?" the man on my left asked me after a while. "I hope to find refugee at my father's house" I answered the truth. "Who's your father?" he asked again. "Anush Kupin" I said. He gasped and then he busted out in laughter. The other men joined in. "You're his daughter? The one he fucked? You left him, for God's sake. Why should he take such a rebellious child back?" another man asked, shouting. I didn't knew why I hoped something unrealistic like that. I just wanted to live somewhere. I just wanted a life. I didn't answer him and ignored the men until we reached Targon in the evening. A soon as the carriage stopped, I slipped outside and went straight to my fathers house. Hope still slept. He was shocked and exhausted. It was a great black mansion at the center of the village. The guard still knew me and let me in. A butler showed me the way to my father's office, as soon as I arrived. I gave him Fenris and told him to bring that child up to my room. "She arrived, mylord" he said when we entered the big room. To my surprise, he wasn't alone. A couple stood next to him, and another man. "This is she" my father said without even looking at me. "I'm Frank Smith, this is Hannah Smith. Our son, Erwin" the man who held the womans hand spoke. Then the single man came towards me. "My name's Erwin Smith, commander of the Survey Corps. Apparently, you're my fiancée" he said. He gave me his hand and I took it. His hands were warm, his blue eyes seemed friendly and his blonde hair shimmered in the setting sun. "Nice to meet you" I said and broke our eye contact. It was the man who found me after that titan incident in Trost. "I have to leave now. There's business I have to deal with in Trost. I hope we will meet again before our marriage in three weeks. Goodbye Mr. Kupin" Erwin said goodbye and left the room. "Dinner is ready" a butler said right after Erwin left. I followed my father and Erwins parents down the hall. Somehow Anush knew, when I would arrive, and he arranged this marriage even faster. When we sat down on the dark wooden table it struck me. My fiancée was Erwin Smith, the man I was reading a book about, just this morning! I blushed dark red. No way I could marry this amazing man. There's no way he would marry. And I didn't even planed on getting near any man anytime soon. In my head, every man was my father, and every man meant pain. Incredible pain and humiliation. Even though Erwin seemed nice, I panicked. I would never be able to fall in love. With anyone. My father destroyed it many years ago. "So, why is it happening so fast?" Hannah asked. Her husband choked and took a sip of his whine. "It seems like we're going to die soon. A marriage should make us happy" Anush explained. I knew, he didn't thought about the extinction of humankind. Then Lisa entered the room and served dessert. Lisa was a maid, and I knew her since I was a small girl. "Can I leave now? I am tired" I asked. I didn't want to eat this chocolate cake. Anush nodded and told Lisa to bring me upbto my old room. When the door of my room closed behind us, Lisa hugged me. "You're falling into old habits" she pointed my eating behaviour out. I didn't eat much this evening, and she was true. I really tried to avoid food. I opened the buttons of my dress and slipped it off. "That's a letter Commander Erwin left for you" she said and handed me a letter. "By the way, your boy is still asleep. But I brought up food and fresh clothes for him and prepared the bathroom" she said and picked up my dress and left my room. I snuggled up in my bed besides Fenris and covered me with my bedsheets. Then I opened the letter curious and began to read.

 _Dear Shura,_

 _This letter won't seem like a good explanation or idea, since your father is very strict and controlling. Please hide this letter after you read it. I'm not happy about our marriage. To be honest, I hate it. I don't have much time for feelings or family so marrying never occurred to me before. Try to tell your father you don't want to marry. Maybe together we can annule this marriage. But we need to be strong. If there's no other way we have to marry. Since I don't know how much time is left for us to life, I won't oppose it if it won't work. My parents sure will be happy. But I don't want to marry a complete stranger. I want to get to know you before we marry. You will be able to meet me in our old Headquarters, the Headquarters of the Survey Corps. It's the old castle near your hometown. By horse it's just an hour away. Please drop by as often as possible. I already talked to your father. He doesn't seem very interested in you, so he didn't say anything to you leaving the house. But I think he won't let you go. So just sneak out. Lisa will help you if you need her help. If he hurts you, Levi and I will kick his ass. Levi will actually take part on our meetings. He's my best friend. I don't want anyone to hurt my fiancée, even if it's her own father. Just write a letter and give it to Lisa. She'll give it to me as soon as possible. I hope we'll like each other, kr else this marriage is completely waste._

 _Stay safe,_

 _Erwin_

I folded the paper and hid it under the mattress. Erwin wanted a lof from me. I never snuck out, or opposed a command from my father. How should I do it, without breaking? I remember how I lied to him, after Granny took Arthur, Armin, Eren and Mikasa in. Arthur and granny fell in love and married. And when I visited my father on Christmas Eve, I lied to him how Arthur and granny were just friends and pointed out how distanced they were. I really was nervous when I told hin this lie, and in this night his punishment felt ten times worse. He even broke my leg and arm. When I returned, I told everyone I fell down the stairs. I lied very much to others because of what Anush used to do to me. If I told him I didn't want to marry Erwin, he surely would kill me and hurt ne until I turn insane. And I wasn't really sure if I didn't want to marry Erwin. Even though he's a complete stranger. I got up and went to the bathroom. Lisa filled the bathtub with water. I woke Fenris up and decided to clean ourselves in the hot water. After we were clean, I laid down and cuddled up with him. "Everything will be fine" I said and fell asleep.


	3. chapter 2

Chapter two

Fenris started to talk when I woke up. All I could understand was Mama. He repeated it over and over again. "Fenris, your mother won't return. She's dead. But I will look after you. I can be your mama" I tried to calm him. My father still doesn't know about him and I wasn't sure how he would react. He probably will send Fenris away. "Mylady, are you awake? I've got breakfast" Lisa asked and entered the room. She carried a tablet with her and rested it on the small table next to my bed. "Thanks Lisa. Can you ask my father for a meeting?" i pleased and put the tablet on my legs. Fenris took a glass with orange juice and emptied it. Then he started to eat the bread together with a slice of meat. "Of course. I will. What do you want to talk about with him?" she asked and handed me a handkerchief. I cleaned Fenris face and sighted. "It's about the boy. He needs to know about him. And I want to visit my fiancé" I explained. Fenris ate without being distracted. "I'll go then" Lisa said and left the room quickly. Fenris stopped eating and looked at me. His green eyes filled with tears. I quickly hugged him and stroke his brown hair. "Don't worry little one. Every thing will be okay. Just finish your breakfast" I said and calmed him. When we emptied all plates a put the tablet aside and told Fenris to follow me into my small bathroom. After a quick wash, we put on clothes and I decided to show him around the mansion. "This is the library. It's my favourite place in this house. Look at all the books" I pointed out and sat Fenris on the ground. He walked into the gigantic room towards a shelf. "There's a book with a lot of pictures in it, here" I gave him a small book. It was one of my old ones, filled with pictures about humans and titans. Fenris looked at the pictures and mumbled something. At first I thought he would cry when he saw the pictures of titans but he didn't do. He punched the picture and screamed in anger. He was very similar to Eren, I realised. They also looked very alike. Maybe he was a Yaeger? "Miss, your father is ready to talk to you"a butler said. I squeaked in surprise. That man appeared out of nowhere, he was very silent. "Come Fenris, you can take that book with you. I want you to meet someone" I tried to catch Fenris attention. The boy looked up when I said his name. It seemed like he already got used to be called Fenris. "Take my hand" I offered him my hand, which he gladly took. Then we followed that ninja butler. My father sat in one of the living rooms on a green couch reading a book. "Father, I want you to meet Fenris. I saved him in Trost. His mother died right in front of my eyes" I said and pushed Fenris towards him. Anush didn't look up. "I want to take care of him. I want to raise him" I kept talking. "It's none of my business. Tell your fiancé. And I don't want this brat in my house" he shouted still looking into his book. "I can't keep him elsewhere. He has to stay with me. In my room" I insisted. "Take that stupid kid out of my house you ignorant cow!" Anush screamed and threw his book across the room towards me. He missed Fenris head just for a few inches. The boy walked to the book and picked it up. Then he sat down and opened it. My father watched him, ready to explode. But Fenris just looked through the book for pictures. "Pictures, mama" he asked. "This is a book for older ones, Fenris. You need to read it. Your book is better for you. There are pictures in it you can look at " I explained and kneeled beside him. Fenris got up and brought Anush the book. "No pictures " he said and turned around. "Okay, you can keep him" my father said. Just make sure he won't know when you leave at night. I want to to visit me tonight " my father explained. I froze in motion. For a short moment I thought he has a heart. But he didn't change and I didn't too. "Okay. I'll come" I answered. "When can I meet Erwin again?" I didn't dare to ask, but Erwin pleased me. So I did. "On your wedding" Anush answered. "I want to visit him. Their Headquarters are near by. Can I visit him tomorrow?" I tried to convince him. Anush didn't say a word. My body started shaking. He would say no. He's a heartless asshole."You can go. Take that brat with you. And don't ruin my horses" I convinced him. "Don't do anything stupid" he declared. I thanked him and bowed. Then I picked Fenris up and left the room. "Let's go into the garden. It's beautiful out there and we can play outside" I told Fenris. The boy smiled and let go of his book. I bend down and picked the book up. It laid open on a picture of a titan slayed by a Cadet. I shut the book close and gave it back to Fenris. "Don't let go of it" I told him. The morning passed quickly and Lisa brought lunch outside. I insisted on her joining us for lunch, and she helped Fenris eating. In the afternoon I took Fenris to the stable. "This is Thor. He's the best horse Anush owns. But he's an asshole" I described the black horse we stood in front. I turned around and a dark grey horse with black mane greeted us. "This is Juno. She's the fastest and she's friendly. I learned riding on her back. My father gave her to me on my 15th birthday " I said and stroke Junos nose. Fenris hold out his hand and Juno touched it with her soft nose. It tickled, and Fenris started laughing. He asked for a carrot and fed it to the grey horse. I stroke Juno and remembered my 15th birthday. My mother had died only a week ago and I was forced to smile on that big event. Many rich people visited us in the evening and no one was interested in me. Everyone talked with my father. I hid under a table and talked to a dog. At this night, father didn't visit me. He had two women with him, and didn't need me. It was the best night ever. I wished he would be visited by women far more often. "Mama" Fenris interrupted my thoughts. "Let's get her out of that stable. She can use a little time outside" I decided. I showed Fenris how to bring her outside, he sat on my hips and laughed, when Juno blew on him. When I released her onto the grass, Juno galloped away. He shared my live for animals of all kind. I was sure, I could raise him to a decent adult. And I knew, Erwin would be a good father. "Could you please come inside My lady? There's something I wanted to show you" Lisa shouted. She waited on the small porch next to the house. I waived at Juno, and Fenris did the same. He already loved the horse. "Let's go inside" I carried him inside and he seemed a litte upset. "Tomorrow we'll be able to spend more time with the horses. We'll visit Erwin" I told him. Fenris smiled again and waved again at Juno. Lisa showed me a room filled with old clothing. "Everything inside here once belonged your mother. Since you don't fit into your old dresses, maybe you can take a few of her old ones. I'm sure Lady Tamara would be happy about it" Lisa whispered. I sat Fenris down and touched a navy blue coat. It was soft and still smelled like mother. She was great and I truly loved her. But she was unable to show her husband that what he did was wrong. She never opposed a single command, and I took up that bad habit. "Can you leave us alone?" I asked Lisa. "I'll be next door. Just shout if you need my help Shura" she offered and left the room. Fenris ran on the small paths between my mothers clothes. He laughed and had fun. In this room, some great and also terrible memories were sealed. I didn't knew if I was ready to wear them. "Mama" Fenris suddenly shouted. I made my way towards him. He sat in front of a big mirror and held a necklace in his hands. I sat beside him to catch a glimpse of this necklace. "Picture" he said and handed me the necklace. It was a silver necklace with a small heart, which can be opened. Inside was a picture of my mother and granny. "What does that mean? Why should she wear granny around her neck?" I asked myself. I decided to ask Lisa about it by time. "Let's choose something for mama, okay?" I animated Fenris. He stood up and draggeg me towards a closet. I opened the doors and found shoes. There were simple ones, and riding boots. There were shoes in which you appeared taller and shoes for parties. A black pair of towering high shoes caught my eye and I fell in love immediately. Fenris ran away and I followed him, trying to catch that litlle angel boy. He hid behind a dark blue dress I remembered.

 _It was snowing outside and momma sat beside the fire. She read out a story about a princess, captured by titans. Her prince came to rescue her and slayed almost all of them. The last titan catched him and killed him. Then he swallowed the princess whole. Momma loved the story. She nearly finished reading when the door opened. "Don't do this Darling! She's a child" momma cried. Daddy stormed towards me and I stood up. "Come with me slut" he snarled. "Yes" I said and took his big hand. "Shura, don't go. You have to fight. At least you have to fight" momma screamed. She hugged me and tried to pull me away from daddy. "Don't you dare! You're my wife! Do you remember who I am?" Daddy was getting angry. "Yes. You're the same like father" she spat out. "I am your husband. You have to follow my orders" he insisted and pulled me towards him. It hurt, I didn't understand what they were talking about. "You're my brother Anush. You're the father of my child. I won't let you destroy her life" she said. I heard her anger. I feared daddy's strong grip. Suddenly stepped towards momma and hit her on the head. Momma let go of me and fell to the ground. "Momma!" I screamed. Was she dead? Sudden anger rised up in me and I nearly opposed daddy. But then I swallowed it, like bitter medicine. "Come with me" daddy repeated. I took his hand and followed him._

She wore this dress on that day. Momma was brought to hospital and they found a tumour inside her chest. She died six years later. "Mama" Fenris cried. He pulled on my dress, tears streaming down hieb face. "Oh baby boy, I'm so stupid" I cried. I forgot in my time in Trost that my parents were siblings. I should be happy being born healthy. Momma always told me that other children like me were disabled. I hugged Fenris and calmed down. "Mama will now choose a few things" I told him. I stood up and walked around, picking out clothes and shoes, coats and trousers, blouses and hats. When I finished, I told Lisa I'm ready. I didn't asked her about that necklace, I now was wearing around my neck. I quickly left room together with Fenris. Dinner was ready. The evenwwent by quickly. I read Fenris a bedtime story and when he was fast asleep, I told Lisa to stay with him. Then I went to my father, like he told me to do. There was no point in opposing him. Anush was able to decide whether Fenris could stay with me or not. And since I didn't want him to leave me, I would even join my father at nigth to keep him.

As soon as the evening passed by quickly, the night went on for hours. I went to Fenris late at nigth and tried to sleep for a few hours, but every movement hurt. Somehow I fell asleep, because Lisa woke me uo early in the morning. She brought breakfast and a coffee for me and I woke Fenris up. While he was eating, I changed to black dress with light blue bows. Then I changed Fenris too and went outside. Juno was already finished, and one of Anush guards hold her in his hands. He sat on a brown horse I didn't knew. "I'll come with you" he explained his presence. I helped Fenris into Junos saddle and sat behind him. "Let's go girl" I said to my horse. While we were riding, I talked to Fenris. I told him about animals and people I knew, I even told stories of my own childhood. When we arrived at the Survey Corps Headquarters, it was lunchtime. A young cadet helped me get from Juno and brought her into a nearby stable. My fathers guard waited until the cadet returned. "Who are you?", he asked, not looking at the guard. "My name's Shura Fenriz-Kupin. I'm here to meet up with Commander Erwin Smith. That's my guard, you can just simply ignore him" 2And who's that nice boy?", the cadet asked and bend down to look at Fenris. "His name is Fenris. I saved him from that attack in Trost. I don't know his real name and who he belongs to. The only thing I know, is that his mother died. Fenris, go shake that mans hand. he won't hurt you" I told my baby boy. Fenris took the cadets hand but blushed and hid behind my skirt. "I'll guide you inside. I'll send Commander Erwin to you into the cafeteria" the cadet explained. He guided us inside the castle. Even though the sun was shining outside and it already was hot, the inside of the castle remained cold. Fenris was slowing down bahind us. He was amazed by the interior of the castle. "Come here Fenris", I said and the boy ran towards me. I picked him up and continued following the cadet. "that's where we're having meals. Can you please wait here until Commander Erwin arrive?" he asked. "It's okay. Thank you cadet" I said and released Fenrir back to the ground. He immediatly started investigating the new area. "My name's Jean Kirschstein" he introduced himself. Then he turned around to search for Erwin. I lost sight of Fenris. "Fenris, where are you?" I shouted and started looking for him. The cadets who were currntly sitting in the cafeteria started laughing. Over the laugther of the cadets, I heard Fenris childish giggling. "There you are", I said and kneeled down. Fenris hid under a bench and smiled bright. "Mama" he said and crled under the desk. I decided to join him and sat on the ground next to him. "Are you afraid? or shy? The cadets won't hurt you. But Anush will, if we stay too long. he hurts Mama. Let me hug you, little angel" I whispered. Fenris crawled into my lap and hugged me. "Mama" he said and started babbling. "You're such a sweet boy" I laughed and kissed his brown hair. I remembered Eren to be as lively as Fenris was now. Fenris looked at me with his big green eyes. One day that boy would look just like Eren. "You look like a friend of mine. I hope he's still alive" I told him. "Baba mama da" Fenris stated. "You're probably rigth. that child is so stubborn, even to die he's too stubborn" I laughed.

 _Eren just came back from the market. Mikasa dragged him inside, Armin helped her. "What have you done this time?" Granny asked. I went into the bathroom to get the medical kit we stored there. ".. It wasn't his fault" Armin explained when I came back. I started cleaning Armins and Erens wounds with a wet cloth. "You should do what you've been told" granny said and put a salve on Erens wounds. He flinched in pain. "Hold still" I said and squeezed his hand. He had a large bruise on his cheek. It was dark purple and his nose was bleeding. "And you need to stand up to the other children" granny told Armin. He blushed and looked to the ground. "Shura's just the same. But she doesn't get into fights" granny pointed out and gave me a disappointed look. "I'm soor" I excused myself and went into the room I was sharing with Mikasa. She was nowhere to be seen. "She's probably in the kitchen" I said to myself and laid on my bed. "Can we come in?" Eren asked. He entered the room without asking. "What are you doing?" Armin asked. Eren sat down on my bed and pushed my legs aside. "I try not to think about death" I answered honest. "You know, dying isn't the only solution" Armin said and sat next to Eren. Eren trew me out of my bed. "What was that for?" I shouted and got up. "Don't you dare to die without a fight!" Eren shouted and grabbed my arm. "Don't you dare to die without solving your problems"_


	4. chapter 3

I really wanted to know who Fenris parents were. The possibility of him being related to Eren Yaeger made my heart pound faster. "You look just like Eren young man" someone said. I recognized his voice, but without a face I didn't knew who was speaking. I had let go of Fenris, and he begun to crawl out from the space under the desk when a dark haired man approached him. It was the man who found me together with Erwin. I crawled out and got up from the ground. "Sir, thank you for saving me" I said. I focused on the grpound and blushed. "I remember you. The girl who survived inside that titan and crawled out of it after I slayed it. I'm happy you're still sane" he said. His voice sounded very sarcastic and I didn't knew how to react. He was a bit taller than me and helf Fenris hand. I looked up and met his gaze. His eyes seemed softer than I remembered them. "Come on litte Eren. Your older self is waiting in the basement" he said to Fenris and picked him up. "Will you acompany me? I really want Eren to meet this young boy. What did you said was his name?" the dark haired man asked. "Fenris. I'm Shura Fenriz-Kupin. And you are?" I told him our names. "Levi Ackermann. Squad Leader. The Cadets call me Captain Levi" he introduced himself. "I'm here to meet Erwin" I explained. "Yeah?" he asked and left the cafeteria. I followed him, because I didn't want to leave Fenris with a stranger. "Yes. Do you know where he is?" I asked him. Levi chuckled and poked Fenris in the somache. Fenris giggled. "Just come with me" Levi said. He started tickling the boy and Fenris started to laugh. I followed the captain down into the basement, where only a few rooms existed. They were used for ressources, and food was stored inside the rooms. Only one small room wasn't locked. The door was opened just a small gap and light fell into the corridor. "Captain" I said, not wanting to speak. This man stole all my authority over Fenris and acted like I was dumb. "That's Erens room" he simply answered and knocked on the door. "Come in" Erwin answered. I gasped for air. Erwin was with Eren? What was Eren doing in the basement anyways? Levi openend the door and stepped inside. I stared into the void. this can't be real. Why was my best friend locked up like a criminal? And why was Levi acting so weird towards me? "If you could come in? I won't hold that bloody door any longer" Levi spat out. I quickly stepped inside and tried to adjust my eyes to the sudden brigth light. "Here, take that boy" Levi said and gave Fenris back to me. Hi sudden harsh tone surprised me. "So you like kids, captain?" Erwin asked and pat Levis shoulder. The smaller man tried not to move under the heavy impact of Erwins hands. Still he shook a bit. "Shura, it's nice to have you with us" erwin greeted me and shook my hand. I nodded. My view fell on the bed in the corner. Eren sat on it, numb and depressed. "Eren? Are you okay?" I screamed out in fear. I've never seen him that way. "Shura? Haven't seen you in a long time" Eren chuckled. I shove Levi aside and pushed Fenris into Erwins armes. "God, I missed you" I cried and crawled onto the bed next to Eren. He pulled me into a bone crashing hug and whispered, only audible for me "Your son looks just like me. Am I the father?" I tried to push him away. "There's no way Fenris is my son! You know what happened to me. I saved him in Trost and he stayed with me. I don't even know if his father is still alive. his mother died rigth in front of my eyes" I explained and burst out in laugther. "She's that girl I told you about, Eren" Erwin mentioned. The dull look on Erens face lighted up. "I didn't expected you to be that brave and strong. You showed some serious surviving will. That's nothing like you three years ago" he said and took my hand. "I'm glad you finally opened up a bit. Keep it that way and you'll be pretty strong one day" he said supporting. "You didn't tell Erwin or Levi about my past, right?" I asked in fear. My past should be something I was telling my finacée. "No! Why should I? There were things far more important to discuss..." Eren trailed off. "Will you tell me?" I asked and slipped nearer. "I will set him down, Shura. He doeasn't seem happy with me" Erwin interrupted. "You're doing it wrong. You need to entertain him" Levi helped. "You like childer? that's surprising captain", Eren said and smiled. "Shut up scum" Levi spat and glared at Eren. The boy next to me went silent. "It's better if you don't tell anyone about it" I whispered and grinned. Eren nodded in agreement. "So what do you have to tell me?" I asked him. "I'm a shape shifting titan. And in my titan from, I liftet that boulder and closed the hole with it" Eren said. I froze. That's impossible! That can't be true! I looked to Erwin, and by his looks I knew, it was true. Tears dwelled up in my eyes. Fenris crwaled up on the bed and hugged me. I closed him into my arms and turned my back at Eren. "You won't attack us, rigth?" I was suspicious around Eren. I dind't want to loose Fenris. Erwin sat besides me and layed his hand on my knee. "Don't worry. He's under full controll. Well at the moment" he said and smiled. his smile was honest and warm, welcoming. I bend towards him and huggend him. Fenris got sqeezed in between us. Erwin didn't react when I closed my arms around him, but then he drew me closer to him and rested his hands on my upper and lower back. "What are you doing there Erwin?" Levi asked confused. he stared at him in disbelief, his controlled self dissapeared. The darkness in his eyes turned to blunt surprise. Levi never got into this kind of situation. Ever since he knew Erwin, he didn't seemed to love a woman, or getting colse to the other gender. And now he was cuddling a young girl! "Ah, I didn't tell you. She's my fiancée" Erwin sighed and let me go. "Yeah, you didn't. But since you're an adult, it shouldn't surprise me that you fell in love. And that child could also be yours" Levi said and pulled a hand over his face. "I guess, I'm just tired" he said and sat on the ground. "Captain, that ground you're sitting on is dirty. And I don't think it's wise to sit on dirt with white trousers" I suggested. "I didn't expect her to have that much character" Levi said and glared angry at me. "What do you mean?" Eren asked. He sat upright, ready to jump up and punch Levi in his face. "It's just, I already know her a bit. We talked on our way down here and I saw her in Trost. My first impression her was that of a girl who never developed an own character. She's just following orders. Her relationship with Fenris forces her to be mature, but she never got mature. I think she never was a child so she never became an adult. And Fenris is just the sad excuse of her trying to escape the grip of her family. Nothing of her attitude or character is her own. Don't you see how forced she acts?" Levi pointed out. Erwin stared at me in surprise. "No one wonders about that! It's because she was…. Ow! Shura!" before Eren could finish his sentence I punched him. "I already told you" I said and blushed. "I think this is the perfect opportunity to tell me" Erwin suggested. I swallowed hard. "My father is raping me since I'm eight or nine years old. Since my family always was rich and in the spotlight of aristocracy I had to accept the rules my father made and follow his orders" I explained. I looked straight at the bedsheets, blushing. "I shouldn't have told you. If ny father finds out, he'll punish me" I realised. Tears filled my eyes. There's no way Erwin wouldn't tell his parents. And then they would annule the marriage. If that happens, my father would kill me. Or worse, he would marry me, since he married his own sister. And Fenris had to go. "Please, Commander Erwin, don't tell anyone! I don't want to loose Fenris. I don't want to let you go…" I begged him. "It's not that easy Shura. You're not even able to decide. What he had done to you… I'm surprised your brain wasn't damaged and you're still sane" Erwin whispered. "Captain Levi. We need to talk about it, right now. Send Mikasa and Armin down here. They wanted to see Eren. Petra and Mike should guard Eren. And Shura, you can go wherever you want. But please, don't get lost" Erwin said. He rushed out of the room and Levi followed him. The look he gave me told me, he was very sorry for me and worried about my condition. The tears streamed down my face when I catched Levis view. To have someone I didn't even knew worry about me touched my heart. In the last years only Granny worried about me. Then Eren, Armin and Mikasa, but they left far too soon. "Mikasa and Armin will be happy to see you alive" Eren said and comforted me by rubbing my back. Fenris got curious about Eren and crawled towards him. "He looks just like me" Eren pointed out and rested a hand on Fenris head. The smaller boy pouted and tried to shake off Erens hand. "He shares some characteristics with you too" I said and smiled. This angel made me happy again. "Do you think he's a Yaeger?" he asked me. I nodded. "I hope he is" I said. With Erwin and Eren gone I regained control over me again. We sat in silence, enjoying each others presence until the door opened. Mikasa stormed in and pulled Eren in a tight hug. Armin followed her and hugged Eren after Mikasa let him go. "Hey guys" I greeted them shily. "Shura! You're alive. I'm happy to see you" Armin smiled and hugged me. "Good to see you" Mikasa said monotonous. Armin chuckled and shook his head. We all knew Mikasa was pretty emotionless around others. Only Eren was her exception. Armin suggested once that she's in love with him. Mikasa said nothing but Eren protested loudly. Armin used to tease Eren with it. Now, he did nothing, not even pointing it out. The mood in the room got depressed, and not even Fenris laugh could lift the mood. "What happened?" I asked. I feared I could cause tears or an anger attack. "We joined the Survey Corps. We're bound to die. Those titans… I don't think I can fight them" Armin said. Insanity was building in his eyes. I stood up and punched him. "Don't you dare turn insane on me. There's nothing to worry about" I tried to cheer him up. "She survived inside a titan by sticking a knife in its throat. And I already told you, you didn't need to join the Survey Corps" Eren said. "Impressive. I wouldn't be able to do something like that. That was brave Shura" Armin said depressed. I hugged him and let go of him. "You won't die" I said and hoped I said the truth. "So, what are you doing here?" Armin asked. "I'm visiting my friends, since I'm staying close. I'm in Turgon again, living with my father" I explained. Armin seemed shocked. "You see, there are things far worse than titans. The tyranny of humans" Eren said. "You're right. I wish we could help you" Armin sighed. "When are you allowed to leave this room?" Mikasa asked Eren. "Soon. Hanji, Erwin and Levi want to train my titan skills. Levi's squad will join us. They'll prove their security. I think they mean to kill me if I lose control of my titan form" Eren said. He seemed depressed. "I'll kill them if they hurt you!" Mikasa shouted. "Don't worry. They won't kill me. My power is too important. Don't you remember, I'm supposed to shut the hole in Wall Maria" Eren said and laughed. "That's not funny Eren. Take the situation serious" Armin admonished him. The boy on the bed shrugged his shoulders. "Look at Fenris. Don't you think he looks just like me?" Eren changed the subject. "Yeah. He even smiles the same way and he's as curious as you are" Mikasa said. Fenris stood on her side, pulling on her boots. He tried to take off her boots and look inside them. "Fenris, stop it. Mikasa needs her boots" I said and picked him up. "Guys, I need to leave. Fenris needs fresh air. We'll meet again" I said goodbye. "Maybe we'll join you later. We have training anyways" Armin said. "You know, that's just theories. There won't be any practice" Mikasa mentioned. "Oh no, that's boring. I want to act and not sit around" Eren complained. "Anyways. I'm off" I said and left the room. On the yard I met three waiting cadets. "Hey, Shura" Jean Kirschstein greeted me. He was one of the cadets. "That's the girl I told you about " he told his friends. I sat Fenris to the ground and he played with a flower. "You're right. She is scarily skinny" a small cadet with very short hair said. "You're skinny too. Don't offend the lady" the girl said. "Thanks" I said and bowed. "I'm Sasha Braus. That boy is Connie Leonhard. Do you have something to eat? Maybe potatoes… " she introduced her and the boy with the short hair. She smiled creepy when she mentioned potatoes. Her dark red ponytail bounced. "Sorry, I've got nothing to eat" I answered. "Lunch nearly passed. Do you want to join us in the cafeteria?" Jean asked. He ruffled his dark blonde hair and smiled to me. "Sure. Fenris needs something to eat" I agreed. "Yas! I hope there are potatoes" Sasha said dreamily. Connie rumbled but followed us. The meal was mashed potatoes and beans. Fenris ate a lot and flirted with Sasha. The two got along very well. I liked her too. She seemed like a honest girl you could rely on. Jean was quiet and a little shy, but he smiled a lot and asked me minor things. "What's your favourite animal?" he asked. "Cats and Dogs" I answered. He asked for my favourite color, which is dark red, black and blue. Othet things were my favourite books, I told him I liked the Warrior Princess Chronicles and the Titan Slayer. He also got to know that I didn't believe the walls were made by God's will and he punishes us with the titans. I relaxed and laughed a lot. After an hour of chatting and playing with Fenris, Erwin entered the cafeteria, followed by Levi. "Cadets. Don't you have work to do?" Levi shouted harsh. "Yes captain" the cadets answered and excused themselves. They cleared the table and left the room. Levi closed the door behind them. I followed him with my view and tried to guess what he's been thinking. "Shura" Erwin said. I winced and turned my head to him. He sat across me and reached for my hand. I didn't pull back, even though it would have been my first reaction. "I'm not sure what to say. I thought you were strong and mature. But now I see, you're hurt and broken. And worse, your father keeps you captured. I can't let you live that way. Even though I oppose the marriage, I can't leave you with a life like that" he explained and stroke my hand with his thumb. "What the commander tries to say is, that he wants to find a solution for your situation without having to marry you" captain Levi wided Erwin's statement. "Well then. Let's think" I agreed. Erwins soft touches distracted me. Levi sat down next to me and raised Fenris of the ground and sat him in front of him on the desk. Levi sat too close. His right arm brushed mine and his hips and thigh pressed against mine. I tried to slip a few inches away from him but ended up even closer to him. "Maybe he'll let you go if you tell him that Fenris is your illegitimate child" Levi suggested and fed Fenris a cookie. The boy babbled happy. "I can't. What should I do if Fenris father appears? And Ansuh is cruel. He'll keep me and hurt me" I sighed. "Well then, you'll run away and take another name. We'll color your hair and cut it. Then you'll join the Survey Corps at my side. Levi will teach you how to use the 3D maneuver gear" Erwin said, a grim look on his face. Levi and I stared at him in surprise. "It'll work" I whispered. "No way I can teach her" Levi insisted and slipped further away from me. My heart hurt, like it was pierced with a dagger. I already missed the heat radiating off his body. Confused by myself I shook my head. I shouldn't think that way. "Remember how it felt when Anush touched your thigh" I told myself. But then I could hit myself. Why was I doing that to myself? I could live a better life if I just forgot that father. "Let's think about something else" Levi said. He stroke Fenris head. "Maybe there's someone else who wants to marry you. Someone we know. You marry, but there won't be anything you have to do, like fulfill your job as wife and mother" Erwin said. I looked at him in surprise. He sure has some good ideas. "And who could that be?" Levi asked ironically. Erwin sighed. "There's no one in the Survey Corps" he realised. "I don't want to marry" I said. "There's no other way. I can't think about anything else. Erwin suggested the best way" Levi resumed. "Anush will search for me, when I'm disappearing and Fenris can't live with the Survey Corps. Who will look after him when we're out? And my father will look here for me" I got pessimistic. "Fenris will stay with the sick and ill Cadets, if there are any. And if everyone is okay, he'll stay with my parents. I'll tell everyone I adopted him, since he liked me. And you have to hide when he comes" Erwin planned out. "We'll bleach your hair and you have to braid it everyday. You don't have to cut it. Stay in the sun, so your skin tone changes. And your speaking style has to change. I'll teach you how to speak like a minor and how to kill titans with the 3D maneuver gear" Levi said. He gave Fenris another cookie. Erwin laughed. "Now you're very enthusiastic about it" he said. "okay" I nodded in agreement "let's do it as soon as possible" Levi hugged Fenris and said with a scary dark voice "In two days. You have to go at night. I'll be there to carry Fenris"


	5. chapter 4

I returned home late. After Fenris fell asleep, I went to my father. He didn't even had to say that I should join him. After he finished he asked "you're not your usual self. What's up? Are you hiding something from me?" I shook my head. Telling the truth would kill me. I couldn't think of anything else than the decision Levi made for me. Running away never occurred to me as possible, but now I had the whole Survey Corps protecting me. I agreed with their decision but deep inside I was shaking in fear. He will find me and hurt me, he will kill Fenris and rape me over and over again. I hid my face in the pillow I was laying on and wished, Levi and Erwin would be with me. They were nice to me. They comforted me and touched me without making me feel like being raped. And they looking nothing like Anush. Erwin was taller than father, his eyes were bluer and friendlier. His hands softer and his muscles attractive. Levi was rude and not nice to me, but instead of Erwin, he knew how to take care of kids. And he didn't tower over me, what made him less fearful. "What are you thinking of slut?" Anush interrupted my thoughts. "You're smiling" he said and turned me to my back. His grip around my wrist tightened. "Fenris" I whispered. If he knew I was thinking about other men, he would take out his knife and cut my belly.

"What are you thinking about?" father asked. I shook my head in fear. "Tell me" he forced. "That boy who's selling apples on that corner" I said and pointed to the direction. We were shopping in Turgon, and Anush promised me to buy a new dress for me. Now we were crossing a market to get a carriage back home. I was pressing a paper bag to my chest, a beautiful red dress inside. "Come with me" he growled and pulled me across the place. I catched a glimpse of the apple boy. That boy with the long blonde hair and eyes like the sky on a sunny day. His smile brightened my mood and I stopped worrying about the result of my carelessness. Anush kept silent on our way home. When we reached our mansion, momma brought my dress inside and Anush pulled me into his bureau. There he turned to the window. "You are bad child" he said. His voice was alarming calm. "Yes" I said. I knew he wanted to hear it. "I'm a slut not worth anything" Anush turned around and opened the drawer of his big mahogany desk and took something out of it. "Come here" he pleased. I walked up to him and waited next to the desk. Then he moved fast, ripped off my dress and my chemise. Then he lifted me on the empty desk. "Daddy" I pleased. But he held me to the desk. "Lay still or I'll kill that boy" he warned me. I laid still while he tied me to the desk. Then he showed me what he had taken out of the drawer. It was a sharpened dagger. "No… daddy, don't!" I whispered. But he pressed the blade into my skin and cut across my stomach. Blood started running down my side. He lifted the dagger and let it sink to my skin again. It hurt. I started screaming until I fell unconscious.

After that I started cutting my arm and legs, and never did Anush said something about it. After that day I started thinking about killing myself. Until I was swallowed by that titan, I couldn't stop hurting myself. Now I had Fenris. He needed me alive. "I'll get going. Fenris waits for me" I excused me. Then I took my dress and left the room. Naked I ran back to Fenris. Lisa waited for me next to Fenris. "Thanks" I whispered and slipped into the bed next to the boy. The next morning came, and I decided to flee outside. Riding into the forest and picnicking was my plan. Fenris had much fun that day but he cried when I tried to bring him to bed. "I'll return to you" I said and kissed his forehead. Then I left him with Lisa. When I came back, he was asleep. Lisa left me with a silent goodnight. Then I started to pack a few important things into a small bag. Underwear, cleaning utensils and toys for Fenris. Then I hid the bag and laid down. I fell asleep immediately. I had a nightmare that night.

I dreamt of Erwin, who was chasing me and chaining me to a wall. Then I had to watch Levi, who threw knives at me but he missed each time. Then he took a spear and pierced my heart with it. Fenris sat on the ground in front of me and drowned in my blood. He said my name and died. I started to faint but Erwin hit me in the face. "Slut" he called me and I died.

I awoke early, dripping in sweat. "What should that dream be about?" I wondered. I decided to stand uo and get ready. By the time Fenris woke up, I was finished. After breakfast I went down into the big hall. Fenris followed me. "Father?" I asked. He stood in the door, about to leave. "I have something to take care of in Hanoul. I'll be back for dinner" he explained. He nodded and waved Fenris. I waited for him to leave, and then I told a guard to finish a small carriage. I dressed Fenris properly and packed money and some apples and cookies to eat and told the guard to ride to the market place of Targon. Even though the city wasn't big, I decided to go shopping. I still needed bleach and another hair colour. And I wanted to buy something to wear for Fenris. He only owned two outfits. When we arrived, the city was packed with people. I hold Fenris on my arm, resting on my hip. "Lady Shura" someone greeted me. "I heard you're back and finally about to marry. Who is the lucky one?" someone else asked. "I can't say his name" I answered. "You were pregnant? That's a nice boy. But he's your illegitimate son" another one mentioned. "He's not my son. I only adopted him" I stated right. The people began talking and whispering at each other. "Who's your fiancée?" I got asked several times while I pushed my way through the group of people gathered around me and Fenris. I didn't answered. Fenris grip was strong and he was shaking. "Let's go baby boy" I wispered to him and entered a small shop nearby. They sold all kind of things and I hoped they would sell bleach. Thankfully the shop owner was new in town and didn't knew who I was. I decided to buy two boxes of bleach and soap. "What do you want to do with that much bleach?" the man asked. "There are a few dresses who need a lot of bleach" I answered and smiled. Hopefully no one would ask him what I've bought. When we left the shop, the people dissappeared. The next shop we visited sold hair colour and make up. I entered, and all eyes were on me. "What do you want to buy?" a helpful woman asked. "Hair colour. Light brown please" I told her. "You're the little girl of Anush Kupin, right?" she asked and showed me to a shelf. "Yes" I answered and hugged Fenris. I hoped, she wasn't one of his admirers. "Sorry Shura. We only have a reddish brown left. Is it okay?" she said and gave me a package. "Yes. Two please" I said. I had a lot of hair and I knew, the more the better. I left the shop quickly after I bought the hair colour. I stuffed it deep into the bag I had with me. "Now we only have to buy a few clothes for you" I told Fenris. He smiled and babbled. I entered a smaller shop that sold clothing. "Do you have anything for children?" I asked a shop assistant. He nodded and directed me into the corner of the shop. There hung a few simple trousers, two white blouses and a hand of shirts. Only two of the shirts fitted Fenris, one was beige and one dark green. One of the trousers were his size, it was a dark brown one. Thankfully one of the blouses fitted him too. I bought everything that fitted him. Inside the shop he was calm and worked with me pretty well but now he started to get uncomfortable. "Let's eat something" I suggested and sat on a bench. He inhaled an apple and ate a few cookies. Then he took the rest of his last cookie and started feeding doves with crumbs of it. His laugh filled the streets and and made me smile. Today was the last day of my imprisonment. This was the last day I would spend with my father. The last day in fear of that tyrann. "Is that your kid Shura?" someone asked. I turned my head to a woman at my age. Her golden hair flew in the soft breeze and her brown eyes sparkled. "Eve" I recognised her. She was the daughter of Lisa and spend a lot of time with me in her childhood. Eve used to be my kid servant. "How are you Shura?" Eve asked and sat next to me on the bench. I looked at her. She wore the uniform of a cadet. On her jacket stuck the wings of freedom. She went to the cadets too and joined the Survey Corps! "He's not my child. I saved him in Trost and ended up adopting him. I guess I'm okay" I told her. I don't remembered her as my servant, but the only friend I had in my childhood. We used to read books together or draw pictures of fairies and angels. "I joined the Survey Corps" she said in disbelief. "I'll join too" I whispered in her ear. Eve made a sound like a surprised mouse. "No way. Why?" she asked. "I want to escape Anush. Erwin will help me" I explained. I was too embarrassed to mention Levi. That man made me question my whole life and everything I knew. I trusted her. Eve used to be my best friend and I had no intention of letting her go. "I'll wait for you. But now I have to return. Captain Levi is waiting for me. We want to return to headquarters in time" she said and hugged me. "He seems in a hurry today. And he acts strange for a few days now. I wonder what's up on his mind" she mumbled and left. "Mama. Cookie" Fenris said. He fed another cookie to the doves. After he let the last crumbs fall I decided to return home. I just wanted that day to pass. It was afternoon when the guard stopped in front ot the mansion my father owned. On the fields behind our house stood Juno and greeted us. "Let's go inside" I told Fenris. He pouted and sat on the ground. "Do I have to carry you?" I asked him. He looked away and watched Juno. "We'll come back later and care for Juno. Just come back inside" I pleased him. Fenris ignored me and pushed him up. Right before he wanted to run off I catched him and lifted him from the ground. Then I carried him and the shopping bags into the mansion. "Can you care for him Lisa?" I asked Eve's mother. She nodded. "By the way, I met Eve today. She joined the Survey Corps" I told her. "I know. She wrote me a letter. I hope I'll meet her before she goes off to the next mission. I haven't seen her in years. And everyday outside the walls could be her last" she said. Then she took Fenris hand and showed him into the kitchen in the basement. I went uo to my room and stuffed the things I bought into the bag I had hidden on my closet. Then I went to Fenris and Lisa into the basement. "I hope you'll find another job soon. As soon as possible" I told her. Then I dissappeared with Fenris outside. We spend the rest of the day with Juno and her brother Grisha. They were both friendly and it hurt my heart to separate them. I wanted to take Juno with me, but Grisha didn't belong to me but to ny mother. "Tamara asked me to give him to you" someone said. It was my father who just returned home. "Are you sure you want to give him to me?" I asked ironically. "No" he answered as I expected him to. Grisha was the fastest horse Anush owned and Juno was just the same. But the present my mother made me before she died solved a few problems I had. He would have to carry Fenris and the bag, maybe another two blankets. I woukd take Juno. "Come inside. I want you to join me on dinner. Your boy can join too" my father told me. I closed the door of the stable and followed him inside, Fenris on my side. We didn't spoke while we ate. I had no idea why he was that friendly to me. But that night showed me again thay Anush was nothing but a monster. A sadistic asshole. He chained me up and cut me with a razorblade, what definitely turned him on. After he fell asleep I was finally able to escape hell. I cared for my wounds and put on my favourite dress, a black one with dark blue bows. Then I put a blanket around Fenris and carried him outside. I finished Juno and Grisha and bound Fenris on Grishas back together with a second blanket and our bag. Then I sat on Juno and took Grishas halfter. I slowly left the grounds of ny father over the fields. Erwin and Levi awaited me behind a small forest. Levi sat behind Erwin, but changed on Grishas back, pressing Fenris to him. We spoke nothing. Just the horses made a sound. Then we sped up, rushing through the night. "Are you alright?" Erwin asked shouting. "Yes. I'm alright. But I don't know if we'll make it" I answered. "We will make it. Quit crying" Levi said. He dropped the speed a little bit and Erwin and I adjusted to him. "I went into the city yesterday. Two cadets joined me. I told them to buy bleach and red hair colour for you" Levi told me. "I did that too. Yesterday" I told him and grinned. "Eve Winchester was with you. She's a childhood friend" I informed him after a moment of silence. Levi nodded. Our way went through a small collection of houses, not enough to make a village. They held animals and were probably farmers. We dropped the speed and went off the horses backs. As silent as possible we crossed the farmers houses. I started crying. "I can't keep him safe" I said sobbing. "I will look after Fenris and keep him safe. I'll kill everyone who wants to take him away" Levi answered with a deep voice. It was so dark, that I wasn't able to see him or Erwin. "Don't worry. Everything will turn out okay" Erwin said and touched my arm. Surprised I jumped in the air. "My god. You scared me" I said and started laughing. "Be quiet. How stupid are you?" Levi insulted me. I didn't oppose. He was right. I was being stupid. If we woke the farmers up, we had to explain what we were doing. "We can sit up now" Erwin suggested after we passed the houses. We went on for a while until we crossed a forest and the castle of the Survey Corps appeared in front of us. "Finally" I sighed. I was glad that we made it this far. Hopefully my father will notice my absence from home the night after my escape. "Can you help us get the horses back into the stable?" Erwin asked me and turned to Levi "lay Fenris down and her bags too. It'll be alright" Levi did as he said and rested Fenris on a small hill of straw. "What's his name?" Erwin asked and took the saddle off Grisha. "His name is Grisha. He's the brother of Juno. You already saw her when I visited you the first time. Juno was a present for my 15th birthday. And Grisha belonged to my mother. She passed him to me after her death" I explained him. I've never talked that much with a man. My answers were always cut short and included only the most important things. "He's beautiful and fast. Can we include him into our horses? We can use fast ones like him. Maybe our elite quad around Levi will ride on him" Erwin pleased. "You can have Juno too. She's almost as fast as Grisha" I optioned. Erwin smiled. "That would be beautiful. But you can have her if you need Juno" Erwin said. We closed the stable behind us, Levi carried Fenris, I hold our bag. "Can we colour my hair right now? I knkw it's late, but I don't dare to wait. My father has the rare talent of perfect timing. I bet he's looking after me in the morning" I asked and entered the castel behind Erwin. Then I hold the door open for Levi and Fenris. "Okay. I'll lay down Fenris and join you two in the bathroom" Levi said. "Wait. Where do lay him down?" I interrupted. "You have a room right next to mine. We'll meet in my bathroom. I stored the bleach and hair dye there anyways" Levi whispered and went ahead. "I don't know what's up with that man" Erwin chuckled. "He's not very nice. But I guess, that's his usual self" I guessed. "You're lucky. He's especially nice to you. He's not insulting you or points out how bad you are and how much better you could be" Erwin answered. He rested his hand on my shoulder. Then he let it glide down my arm and took my hand. He tried to interwine our fingers. "Let's get going" I said and pulled back my own hand. He went ahead. "I'm seriously confused now" he whispered. "Why?" I asked. "I want to save you from your father. And I want to protect you" Erwin turned around. "I never had siblings, I nevee loved a woman and I sure won't ever love anyone. I just don't want to let you go. I don't even know why" he hung his head down and let it rest on my head. "I don't know… Just to state it. I will never get close to anyone in a sexual manner. I don't want ro be touched that way again. I think I will fall in love, but I won't be able to get close to them" I explained. "Well, I'm glad you also don't feel love out of our forced marriage" Erwin said. He left me wonewhy he worried about something like that. But I didn't dared to ask. I didn't want to be pushed away by him. We finally grew closer and it still was okay for me. He was the closest I had ever been to a man except for my father. I didn't count Eren and Armin, since they were about four or five years younger than me. "Let's wait for corporal Levi" Erwin suggested and stopped in front of a door. We were on the second floor. Levi came out of the door right next to his door. "You're fast, commander. Didn't you talk to her?" Levi asked. His voice still was calm. Maybe he was just tired and not being nice? Bleaching my hair took two hours since I had so much hair. I fell asleep during the process.


	6. chapter 5

I woke up inside a small bed. The bedsheets were tucked around me and I couldn't move. What happened after we started bleaching my hair? I couldn't remember. But then I heard a soft voice. Someone whispered. It was definitely a man and he was in this room. A child started laughing. I sat up and looked around me. "Good morning sleeping beauty" Levi said and smiled and Fenris. The boy sat on his lap, playing with two stuffed horses. I blushed several shades of red. Being called beauty made me uncomfortable. "This is my room? The room I'll share with Fenris?" I asked. "No. This is mine" he growled and glared at me. I swallowed hard. This was Levi's bed I spend the night in. "Who… did you carry me into the bed?" this thought gave me goosebumps and my heart beat fastened. "You're not very tall and heavy. Erwin washed your hair and layed the towel on the pillow. I hold you while the water runned through your hair and carried you to bed" he said. Then he sat Fenris next to me. "Your bag is on the desk. Please change your outfit and come outside. I'll be waiting with some cadets" he told me and left the room. He didn't seemed happy about me sleeping long. I rushed my morning rountine and threw on a dress. Then I ran outside. "Levi?" I asked. He had his back turned on me. Fenris walked up to him and tucked his trousers. "What are you wearing? You can't train in that outfit. Come with me!" he shouted. I looked to the ground. Levi picked up Fenris and went back to his room. I followed him like a well trained dog. He pulled out everything I stuffed in the bag. "You don't own trousers or shirts?" he asked in disbelief. I nod my head. "Put one some of mine. They should fit you" he suggested and handed me some of his clothes. "I'll take him with me" Levi informed me and went downstairs together with Fenris. I changed into his trousers, which fitted pretty well. But his shirt was a bit too big and I had to roll up the sleeves. After picking out a pair of riding boots I owned from Tamara and brought them with me, I ran downstairs. "That's much better" a cadet said. "I'm sorry. I'm not used to wearing trousers" I apologised. "Come with me. You'll get your own 3D maneuver gear" Another cadet said. I followed the group of two cadets and Levi to another stable. "To make sure your father won't find you, you're enlisted to our Corps with the name Sunniva Presley. Please remember this and if someone asks for your name, tell them this one" Levi informed me. We entered the stable and someone turned on the lights. "Trainee Sunniva" Levi demanded. "Yes, Corporal Levi?" I asked. In order to stay safe, I needed to get used to that name. "Follow me" he said and to the two cadets "Bring Cadet Eve and Phillip to me. And bring Fenris to Hanji and Erwin. They wanted to fill his Adoption Papers" The cadets picked up Fenris and left. Levi went further inside. At the center stood two piles and some titan like figures. "We use this for training basics with the new cadets" Levi explained. He showed me to the back of the hall. There hung many 3Dmgs at the wall. "Try this one" Levi said and gave me one. I tried to figure out how I should get this thing on, but there were too many loops and strings. "I'll help you" Levi said. First I had to take off my shoes. Then, Levi showed me where to put my legs. I had to hold on to him because I didn't want to fall down. Then he closed the belt around my waist and helped me get the rest on my upper body. When we got everything for the belts on, he closed it on my chest. In the process, his hands slid over my body and hold the belts of the gear. It made me feel hot and cold repeatedly. Then he put the box for the blades on both of my hips and told me to lift my arms. "These are the triggers for your maneuver gear. Humans move in two dimensions. But if we want to have a chance against the titans, we have to move in three dimensions. We have to be mobile and fast. That's what the 3Dmg is for" Levi explained to me. He knew a lot about that. Levi secured the triggers unter my arms and pushed my arms back down. His hands moved over them. My hear beat faster and I blushed. It felt great, being touched like that by Levi. When he reached my hands and took them, I replied his grip. "I hope you'll manage everything in a few days. I don't want to loose you to your father" he whispered. I nodded. He meant Fenris, not me. I meant nothing to him. He let go of one of my hands and dragged me to the middle of the stable and positioned me between the poles. "Corporal Levi" Eve shouted. She put her and to her heart. The cadet behind her did the same. The cadet was tall and had disarranged black hair. His green eyes mustered Eve. "Show her how to use the gear. I want her to manage it, be able to use the gear and the blades until evening. I have to leave now but I'll be right back" Levi ordered. Eve and Phillip nodded in unison. "I'll show you how to use it" Phillip said and stood in between the two poles. "You need to rest your weight on your hips. Try to lift your upper body and keep in stance. Like this" he explained. Eve fixed his belt and adjusted two strings on each side. Then she turned a handle and lifted him off the ground. "Maaan Phil, you're a heavy bitch" she laughed. Phil blushed and looked away from her. His feet lifted off the ground and he flew in the air. I expected him to fall over, but he turned his hips and noved his feet. He stood in the air, upright. "Can I try it?" I asked. It looked like a lot of fun! "Of course" Eve said and let Philip to the ground. He adjusted the strings on my belt and turned the handle. "Move your hips and use your feet too. The belt is going to your feet too. Just don't fall over" Eve explained. Then my feet didn't reach the ground. I shook, ready to fall over. But I didn't. I turned my hips like Eve showed me and stood in the air, like I was standing on the ground. It felt great. "Amazing! Right on the first time! Now you have to learn how to move in three dimensions by using the 3D mg" Phil complimented me. They put me to the ground. "We'll wait for Corporal Levi. He should be back soon" Eve said and hugged me. "I'm so glad you managed it so fast. Levi will be happy" she squealed. I returned her hug and nodded. The door opened again and Levi returned together with another cadet I didn't knew. "Name's Petra. I'm cadet of Levi's squad" the girl said and shook my hand. I let go of Eve and waited for Levi's command. "What were you doing? Cuddling is not part of your training Trainee Sunniva! Show me yoyr skills" he shouted suddenly. I nodded. His harsh intonation scared me. Philip adjusted the strings and lifted me up. Again I mastered to stay upright. "You're doing well. Follow Perta and me into the woods. We'll train moving in this shit" Levi commanded. "Yes, corporal" Eve and Philip saluted. Then they helped me out of the poles and I followed Levi to the stables. "Saddle your horse, trainee. I'll take Grisha. Commander Erwin made him my private horse. So is Juno yours. Go make her ready" Levi said. I did as he pleased. We sat up and rode off to the forest. The forest wasn't too far away. Behind the castle were some hills, growing into mountain. The tops were lower than I'd always thought mountains had to be. "First of all, try pushing yourself up, then pull the trigger and focus. You'll feel it and then you have to fly. Look how Levi's doing it" Eve said. She pointed to our Lance Corporal, who flew through the air at insane speed. "I can't see it" I complained. "Look at me" she laughed and suddenly she pulled the trigger and disappeared into the woods. I followed her movements with my eyes. Somehow I figured out what she was doing. But I had honestly no idea how she was doing it. "Try it" Philip encouraged me. I pulled the trigger and aimed for a nearby tree. The anchor stayed and I was pulled out uf the saddle. "The next one, Shura. Pull the next trigger and let the first one go!" Eve screamed. I panicked and pulled the second trigger, aiming nowhere. Then I let go of the first one and fell. The second anchor had no grip and I was falling. My flight to the ground was stopped seconds before my impact on the ground. "Dumbass. Seems like you don't have any talent at all. You're useless like that" Levi cursed. Tears started filling my eyes. Levi had his feet rested on a tree, both his anchors stuck in the wood above his head. He hold my anchor in his right hand. I was useless and had no talent at all. Maybe I was better off dead. Then I remembered Eren. He never give up. Fight! You have to fight! I looked up to Levi, who was glaring down on me. Then I aimed my second anchor next to his and pulled the trigger. I was pulled up and stopped a little lower than the corporal. "You suck" he spat and flew away. At least he was moving like he had wings. The control he had over his 3D MG was amazing. Something like that I would never manage. "Now, try moving from tree to tree" Eve requested and came to stop next to me. "I can't. I'm a loser" I cried out. I lost control over my feelings. Regret for running away, fear of all the responsibilities I was facing now. Raising a child, living for my own, making my own decisions. Not being controlled and in the grip of someones mercy was the hardest. The tears ran down my cheeks. I sobbed and hid my face in my hands. "There's no way I can manage this thing" I screamed. I wiped away the tears and turned my hips. Then I aimed and oulled the trigger, let of the first one go. I aimed again and let of the otger trigger go. Then again. And again. "Look, that fool's crying. What a wimp" Levi said besides me. He adjusted to my movements so he was able to stay on my side. "Corporal. I know I'm a loser. Please don't point it out. I'll never manage the 3D mg like you" I cried. Still tears were streaming down my face. "You already manage it, Trainee Shura. Have more faith in your abilities" Levi said. Then he hugged me midair. I lost grip of my triggers and hold on to his back. "Try moving to my back" Levi said. I did as he pleased. I slung my arms around his neck and with my legs onto his hips. He sped up, the trees rushed my. He was moving faster and faster, passing by trees and other cadets. He greeted a few of them. I looked over my back. Petra was still following us. Did she worry about Levi? Or was she being over protective? Jealous? Didn't she trust me? "I'll show you how you kill a titan" Levi said. He pulled out two blades of the grey boxes rested on each of his legs. Then he turned around and sped through the woods. "See that titan? His neck I the only weak spot he has. That's for every titan" Levi explained. Then he rushed down and cut out a large piece of the part of the neck. The wooden titan fell to the ground. "Cut deep. Ten feet wide, six foot deep" Levi said. "Corporal! Come look here!" Petra screamed. Her voice sounded like she was in panic. Fast he dropped me off nearby our horses. I was too slow to react. I landed on my back. The impact was hard and I screamed in pain and surprise. The air was pressed out of my lungs and I snapped for breath. I spread out my limbs and laid still on my back, trying to calm down my pulse. "Are you okay?" Philip asked and came to look after me. He watched the horses and stayed on the ground. I sat up and rested on my elbows. "I think so. Levi was just too fast" I explained and tried to laugh. It hurt. I winced in pain. "Let me look after you" Philip said and kneeled besides me. He stroke over my ribs and pushed a little. "Ouch. That hurt" I said. "Right here?" he asked and pushed again. I nod my head. "Right there" I confirmed to him. "Looks like you broke or probably bruised your ribs. I'll tell Levi and we'll return, so someone can take care of it" Phil said. He stood up and used his 3D maneuver gear to move faster. Soon, I saw two people approaching. It was Levi, and Petra followed him. "I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to hurt you. Petra wanted to show me something important. At least she said it was important" he gave Petra an angry glare. Then he took off his jacket and bend down to me. "Raise your arms" he ordered. I did, and he wrapped his jacket around my chest. "It'll do it. Are you able to ride on your own or do you need help?" he asked. His sudden interest and helpfulness confused me. "I'm okay. I can ride. But I don't think I can stand up" I explained. Levi lifted me off the ground, one hand on my back and the other one around my knees. "Take your foot in the stirrup. Swing your leg over the back of Juno. Hold on tight. We'll be back to the castle soon" Levi said. I did like he told me and sat in Junos saddle. "I'll guide Juno. Just hold on the saddle horn" he said helpful. I gave him Junos rein and hold the horn. Petra sat up and gave Levi a confused look. "Pull yourself together Petra. She's hurt. Remember how unimportant that tree was" he said. "Cadet Eve. Cadet Philip. We'll go back" he screamed. Eve and Philip arrived and mounted their own horses. "We'll be going" Levi said. I spurred Juno and she started moving. Grisha waited until Juno was right next to him, even though Levi gave him the spurs earlier.

 ** _Note of author: I will try to update a new chapter each day. Since I'm not native speaking english, there will be errors. I'm glad if you tell me if I screwed up grammar or spelled a word wrong. In the next days I'll correct the currently released chapters, because writing on my phone includes making far too many faults._**

 ** _Thanks for reading this story. I hope you enjoy it. If you have something to suggest me making better my story and increase my writing skills, I'm listening and try to do it!_**

 _Itte kimasu *bows_


	7. chapter 6

I must have passed out. When I awoke, my head rested on Levi's shoulder and he carried me up some stairs. "Corporal?" I said asking. "Sunniva" Levi approved. "I passed out" I said. Levi chuckled. "You did" he confirmed. "And why are you carrying me? And not cadet Philip?" I asked. "He had to visit cadet Daniel. He's sick and Philip is worried about him" Levi explained. I understood but didn't show any reaction. He smelled nice and I didn't wanted to move. The warmth of his body comforted me. I calmed down and inhaled his scent deep. "Are you okay?" Levi asked. "Yeah" my voice sounded husky. I snuggled up on his chest. Levi pushed his hand careful on my back, like he wanted to say that it was okay to cuddle him. I laid my arms around his neck. "Do you think Fenris is happy?" I whispered. "He is happier with you than on his own. You saved his life. That's the only thing important" Levi answered as silent as I asked. "Hmm kay" I mumbled. "I'll make sure he's happy" Levi said. He kicked a door, that was soon opened. "Corporal. You're carrying her? She's hurt? Lay her down on that bed" a woman said. It was Hanji. "Her ribs are probably broken" Levi said. "Open your jacket and her blouse" Hanji said and turned away. She rummaged behind my back. Levi undid the knot in his jacket and put it on the bed head down. Then he opened the buttons of the shirt he gave me to wear this morning. I blushed when he had opened all buttons and looked away. "Sit up" he said. His voice sounded harder than on the way to this room. I sat up and he removed the shirt from my shoulders. Then he took it off completely and put it next to his jacket. I laid back down and rested my head on the clothing. "Now, let me have a look" Hanji said. She stroke my ribs with her fingertips and pressed on a few spots. "I'll press here. It'll hurt" Hanji warned me. "Okay" I whispered. She pressed on the spot she told me. "Ouch! Ow!" I screamed out. "Hanji. Stop it" Levi said and pushed her hands aside. He stroke the spot carefully. "You have a dark purple bruise there. And your rib is not broken but damaged. I like you to take that salve and wrap these bandages around your ribcage. Then you can leave. I want Levi to stay a bit, please help me with the paperwork. Oh, and Erwin took Fenris with him to his room" Hanji said. Levi took on the salve on that spot and helped me wrapping around the bandages. I closed the shirt and gave him his jacket. "Your jacket Corporal" I said and hold out my arm. "Take it with you. I think you need it. And deep inside you know you want it" Levi said and avoided to look at me. I pressed his jacket to my chest and left the room. I was alone in the hall. I passed the first floor and went upstairs. In the process, I hid my face in Levis jacket. It still smelled like him. "Trainee Sunniva" Erwin greeted me. "Commander Erwin. I'm here to look after Fenris. My training is currently paused. I damaged a few ribs" I explained my presence. "The boy warmed up with me. He seems to like me" Erwin said and smiled. His smile was honest and pure. "Let's go back inside" Erwin interrupted my staring and opened the door for me. I stepped into his room. It was as simple as Levi's. Just a bed, a desk and chair and a closet. One window and a door to his own, small bathroom. "Levi's room is just like this one" I pointed out. Fenris sat on the desk and drew a picture. "That's nice Fenris. You're drawing Commander Erwin?" I asked him. "Papa" he said. "Erwin is your father?" I asked again. "Papa" Fenris said again and pointed with his small hand to the door. "Erwin is not your father?" I asked surprised. He took a dark pencil and continued to draw. "I'm sorry commander. Seems like he doesn't consider you his father" I said. "What do you think. Who is he drawing?" Erwin asked. The image wasn't very useful. "Fenris. Let's give papa the picture. It's a present" I asked the boy. He nodded and laid down the pencils. Then he took the paper and walked to the door. "Let's go to the cafeteria. Maybe the one he's thinking of is there" I considered. "No need in that. Let's go to the court. The man is outside. I've got an idea who it is" Erwin said. His smile didn't reach his eyes. His blue eyes seemed sad. "Don't worry Erwin. He already likes you" I said and stroke his arm. "Thanks" he said and took my hand. "You're too nice. Don't be that naive" I swallowed hard. Then I took Fenris hand and showed him outside the castle. Erwin followed me and carried the boy downstairs. Outside, Fenris started running towards a group of people. "Commander Erwin" someone of the greeted us. I knew her. It was Petra. "Trainee Sunniva. That's the squad I'm the leader of. Eren is now part of it" Levi explained. "How's your rib doing?" he asked silent, just audible for me. "It's okay" I answered. "Corporal. Why is Eren part of it?" Petra asked. Her voice was too loud and squeaky. "He's a shapeshifting titan. If he loses control, it's our job to stop him" Levi explained to her. His grey eyes filled up with anger. "Lance Corporal Levi Rivaille Ackermann. I don't believe what you told me yesterday" Erwin suddenly said and laughed. "Erwin! Shut up.I already told you" Levi grunted. "Come with me corporal. I've got a few questions" Erwin said and pushed Levi in front of him, guiding him with his hand in the smaller man's back. "Papa, wait!" Fenris shouted. He stumbled towards Levi and Erwin, but fell down and started crying. "Fenris, it's okay" Levi took him on his arms and stroke his back. "That's for you" Fenris said and gave him the picture. "Oh, is that me?" he asked. "That's you. And that's mama" Fenris explained. "Who's your mama? Is it Sunniva?" Levi asked and pointed to me. "That's mama" Fenris agreed. "I'll leave him to you, mama" Levi said and put Fenris to the ground. "Go to mama. The nice uncle wants to talk to me" Levi said. Fenris came to me and I picked him up. "You're very talkative around papa" I said. The boy smiled and babbled. "Shit. You're too close to Levi. Watch out, Sunniva. Stay away from him or I'll spill your secret. He's mine. He's ours. You've got nothing to do with him" Petra said and glared at me. I nodded. "It's okay. But Fenris likes him a lot " I pointed out. "That boy will find someone else. Erwin, for example. He's his adoptive father anyways" Petra shrugged her shoulders. "Guys, let's go. That brat is not worth our time" another cadet of the group said. "You're talking like Levi again Gunther" another cadet said. They turned their back on me and walked towards the stable. The sky has turned black and thunder roared. "Let's go inside" I requested. Fenris laughed. "Mama" he said simply. Then it started raining. Not just a small shower, the downpour of world's end. I hugged Fenris and ran towards the castle. Levis jacket protected Fenris from getting wet, but I was soaking. And the white shirt got transparent. I knocked on the gate. "Please, let me inside" I screamed. The door was opened and Erwin stood in front of me. "Take Fenris and give him a tea. We'll meet in my room" Levi ordered. He pulled me inside and gave me a blanket. "Take off your clothes. Hanji will dry them. And wrap yourself in your blanket and follow me to my room" Levi told me. I took of my clothes and handed them to Hanji. She stood next to Levi and grinned. "I knew it" she whispered. No one reacted to it. Levi had his back turned to me. "You're ready?" he asked. I had wrapped the blanket around me. "Yes. Let's go" I answered. Levi begun climbing the stairs in front of me. We didn't talk. "Please go to your room and throw on some clothes" Levi pleased. I couldn't see his face, but his voice was low, dark and husky. I disappeared into my room and listened until his door closed too. I heard voices out of the room next to me. Levi's room. I threw on a simple, black dress and went to Levi's door and knocked. "Come in Sunniva" Erwin said. "That's my room Erwin" Levi protested. "You want her in here anyways" Erwin said a little silent. I opened the door and tumbled into Levi. He hold my arms and I looked into his grey eyes. "Sunniva. Nice to have you" he greeted me stiff. "Corporal" I whispered. His eyes locked with mine. "Sunniva" he said. His grip hardened. Feelings raised and I closed my eyes. I swallowed down guilt, affection and shame. Then I opened my eyes again. Levi still looked at me and hold on to my upper arms. "Levi. Let go" Erwin said careful. Levi let go of me and disappeared into his bathroom. He slammed the door behind him. "What was that?" I asked. Erwin smiled. "The littler the people the angrier they are" Erwin said. "Shut up Commander. I'm sick of your behaviour" Levi shouted and opened the door. He stepped outside. "Don't tell me what I feel, what I should feel and what I should do" he growled. "I'm your best friend" Erwin insisted calm. "You're right" Levi sighted. He calmed down. "I'm sorry" he excused his behaviour. Levi sat on his bed and opened his arms. "Come here, little Eren" he said. His words pierced my heart and shattered it to pieces. Eren. After all, is protection and kindness towards me was because of Fenris and Eren. That man had crush on Eren and used me, to gain plus points with Eren! Fenris crawled into his arms. I got angry, disappointed and sad. I felt the tears in my eyes. "Commander, Corporal. I'll go back to my room, I feel sick" I excused myself and left the room before anyone of these two could react. I closed the door of my room behind me. Then I went to the bathroom. I feared the blades I hid, but I needed them. "Trainee Sunniva. Open the door. Open up" I heard Erwin shout. "I'm okay, Commander. I just need to use the bathroom" I answered. I laid down the blades and opened the door to my room. "Can I bring you some tea and cookies?" he asked. "That would be nice. Fenris will have some too" I said, swallowing the tears. "I'll take him with me" Erwin smiled and turned away. I closed the door and went back into the bathroom and took out the blades again. Should I do it? The scars will show how weak I am. The other option was to cry and hope I would feel better soon. But currently, I was feeling like I would be better off dead. The first blade danced over my skin. "Sunniva. Can I talk to you?" Levi asked with soft voice at my door. I took the blades and sat down. My back rested on the closed door. "Talk" I answered cold. "You're helpless. You should be mature but you're helpless on your own. You're small, you look like a lady, you act like one. You talk like a child, you think like one. I'm sure, you never lived for your own self. Whatever kept you alive, it's not there for you anymore. And I realised that Erwin is far too busy for you to be the one you're relying on. Now I'm asking you, would you like to rely on me? I can be the one you hold on to, I'll show you how to live" Levi spoke. Two blades danced over my skin while he did. "I don't need you. You only want Eren" I spat out. "That's not true. I just want to be the one to kill him if it's necessary. I want Fenris. And I want you to act as his mother. Take this role, for the boy" Levi insisted. I shook my head and kept silent. "Sunniva?" he asked. The man behind the door knocked soft. "Are you okay? What are you doing?" he asked. "I'm okay. Go away" I whispered. My vision got blurry. "Trainee? Trainee Sunniva? Open the door. That's an order!" Levi shouted. I heard the panic in his voice. I tried to stand up, but fell on my side. I reached for the lock and managed, somehow, to unlock the door. Then closed my eyes and rested my head on the ground. "SUN! Sunnie. Shura, my god what have you done?" I heard him screaming. He lifted me up and carried me to my bathroom. Then he laid me down, took of my dress and started washing me. Then he dried the wounds and ripped something and wrapped the cloth around my lower arms. I wasn't unconscious, but too weak to move. "Corporal" I was only able to whisper. "Yeah?" he asked with tear stained voice. He was crying. I tried to move and opened my eyes. I laid on my back, on the ground in my bathroom. Levi still wrapped his shirt around my wounds. He ripped it in half and used it to stop my bleeding. Then everything turned black.

"She's not okay, Petra. Look at her. I can't leave her alone. Bloody hell, she tried to kill herself" Levi shouted. "She's better off dead, Corporal" Petra answered cold. "She's not better off dead. She should have a chance to live. To grow stronger" Levi insisted. "She's weak. She's stupid. She's not able to live on herself" Petra said. Then she left the room. I laid still, my eyes closed. How long have I been passed out? Why did Levi sound like he was crying? What even happened? "Petra is right. I need to go. Our mission starts in an hour. We want to find a way to Shiganshina. If I don't survive…" my concentration trailed off. I couldn't hear Levi's voice. I couldn't make a sign. Then he kissed me. But I couldn't react. I screamed inside but no sound came out of my mouth. "Mikasa, Armin and Eren will say goodbye soon" Levi said. His hand stroke my cheek. "Oh Shura. I wished we met earlier. I wished I could tell you more about me. But for once you have to know only this: I…" I lost consciousness again.

I stood in a white room. The ceiling was dark purple. I was naked. No scars were on my arms. "Where am I?" I asked into the emptiness. Am I… am I… am… I… my voice echoed. "Is there anyone?" I asked again. Anyone… anyone...any...one. No one answered. I sat down. What should I do? There was nothing in this room. I stood up again. I didn't want to give up. I started walking. Nothing changed. There was no point where I could oriented my location on. I walked and walked and walked. There was no wall I bumped into. Nothing. Then I looked behind me. A dark shadow followed me. I started panicking. Then I begun to run. The shadow sped up, and I fell to the ground. Suddenly I was flying. More like falling through the sky towards the ground. I spread out my wings and flew. Blood started running down my arms. Three deep cuts appeared on my arms. I closed my wings and the blood shot out of the wounds. The more blood I lost, the faster I was falling. I spread out my wings again and gained height. The ground turned black. I flew higher and higher until the air was too thin to breathe. But it was warm, like a hug. The wounds stopped bleeding. I looked up to the sun. But instead, Levi floated in front of me dressed in white. He smiled and hugged me. "You already know what I wanted to say. Don't be stupid and forget it. Remember it until I return. I'll return alive. I promised you. Remember my words Shura. My sun" he spoke. His voice echoed, it sounded like there was no source of his voice. His smile faded, his face faded, his body faded. Then everything turned blood red and I lost orientation. There was no upside. Every direction was downside. I screamed and breathed blood. It hurt and the metallic taste numbed my mouth.

I woke up. I bit on my tongue and bleeded. "Who's there?" I asked. "It's me. Eve. Daniel and Phil are currently watching over Fenris. It's evening. You slept for two weeks" she told me. "Levi? Where is he?" I asked. I couldn't remember a thing. "He's off. Everyone tries to reach Shiganshina" she explained. "He visited you a lot. Petra is very jealous. Can't you remember why you're here?" she asked. I sat up. "He told me something important. I have to remember it" I whispered. "You tried to kill yourself. He saved your life" Eve said. I shook my head. "It was an accident. I thought he fancied Eren… I kind of remember what he said to me before he left" I opposed. My head hurt. I remembered his voice. His tears. His hands. The worry in his eyes. The regret. The pain. The fear. I was sure, he meant me. What he said confused me. Made me happy. But still I wasn't sure. Was it all just a dream? Maybe I dreamt his words. "I love you"


	8. chapter 7

Eve brought me and herself two plates of a nice smelling potato soup and assisted me in eating it. "What's with Philip and Daniel? Why are they here?" I asked curious. "They're best friends. Phil is about five years older than Dan, but they're inseparable. We're pretty close. Since Erwin and Levi didn't wanted to leave you alone they left them with you. And Dan is hurt anyways. He's got a digestive problem but takes medicine to get rid of it. They look after you and Fenris . Together with me" she explained. I took another spoon full of the potato soup. It smelled nice and tasted very good. "They must love children" I assumed and stopped eating. "They're so sweet and kind" Eve said dreamily. We continued to eat in silence. My thoughts trailed off to Levi and Petra. He was a mystery to me. A strange man with more mood swings than a girl in puberty. It seemed like Levi had a different relationship to each person. And Petra seemed like one of the closest ones to him. She obviously was jealous of me. The Levi squad wanted him all for their own. Even the straight guys like Gunther that Levi made part of his team. I assumed that Levi wasn't rude, but because everyone liked him he begun being rude to keep the people away from him. This didn't work with his squad. They were resistant against his rudeness. They loved his behaviour. Maybe Petra fell in love with his distant acting. But with me his rude behaviour worked. I was afraid of that man. He made me curious, he pushed me away and I was hurt. It was like the weather. It was always either good or bad, or you couldn't stand it. And currently it was good weather. But he wasn't with me and if I was unlucky, he would never return. "Eve?" someone asked at the door. "Hey Dan. Come in" Eve greeted the cadet. He entered the room. The cadet was tall, had curly brown hair and big brown puppy dog eyes. "I'm Dan. I'm glad you're awake. We were worried about you" he introduced him and gave me his hand. I took it, but was still too weak to shake it. "I hope you will never try this again. Fenris asked a lot about what you have done. We explained to him, that you were sick and sad because Levi had to go away for work" he explained. Then he blushed and looked to the ground. "We said daddy instead of Levi. And we called you mommy" he said. "That's okay. Can I see him? Where is he?" I asked. "He's asleep. Phil brought him to bed and fell asleep too. Can I have some of this soul too?" he asked. Eve brought him a plate and spoon. "I hope it tastes well. You and Phil are better cooks" Eve warned him. "I think it's very good. You can cook Eve" I tried to cheer her up. "But I wasn't able to save you. I didn't knew what state you were in. I could have done much more. But instead I always watched and did nothing. And then I ran away in fear it could be my fault you're killing yourself. But now I've the chance to help and again I'm just watching. You're already skinny and now you're cutting yourself" she shouted. "It was never your fault. It was always my father. It was always that bastard. He hurt me and I got skinny as a silent protest against his abuse. He's a grown man and you were a small girl. There's nothing you could have done" I explained. Eve looked at me. "At least I could have tried something. Eren saved Mikasa on his own, he killed a grown man and he was nothing but a child. I could have tried something at least" she growled. "No, Sunniva is right. You couldn't have done a thing. But you can help her recover. That's much better than killing anyone" Dan explained. We finished our soup in silence and decided to go to sleep afterwards. Even though I slept a lot I fell into a dreamless sleep. I was glad I didn't dream of Levi disappearing or anything else.

"Sun, wake up" someone whispered and shook my shoulder. I groaned and turned away "Wake up already" he said a bit angry. So I turned back and faced the man, slowly opening my eyes. The man had black hair and I recognised his facial features. "Phil?" I asked sleepy. "There's someone at the door. Looking for Fenris and a girl named Shura. Shura Roxanna Anushka Fenriz-Kupin, to be exact. You're her, right. The one who's watching over Fenris and the people at the door are looking for. Right?" he asked. He was very clever, figuring that out. "Yes. Bring Fenris to me. We'll hide and run away. Tell Eve to hide Grisha and Juno. They'll be silent if she tells them to be. Who's answering the door?" I asked. "Dan. He told them that he's alone together with me and Eve" Phil said. Then he ran off. I stood up and started to get dressed. The trousers and shirt Levi gave me, the boots my mother once owned. I put my hair into a bun and closed the belt of the trousers. Phil took a while but he came back with Fenris sleeping. I took the boy and smiled sadly at Phil. He was so nice. "I'll hide in the forest. Come looking for me when they're away" I said and left the room. I carried Fenris downstairs and left house through the back door. Eve waved at me, she stood behind a bush. "Phil already told me what to do and so I rushed to get The horses ready. Now, run" she whispered. Then she ran back to the castle. I sat Fenris on Grisha and wrapped a few strings around him so he sat safe in the saddle. Then I mounted Juno and rode off.

I hoped no one heard us. I was all alone in the dark forest. With no direction we rode through the dark. Grisha showed the way. He didn't slow down, he took the way that was best for us and stopped on a small clearing. I hopped to the ground, took a blanket and laid it under a low tree and took Fenris and rested him under the low tree. The leaves hid the small spot where Fenris laid. Then I hid Grisha and Juno near to the place where Fenris laid. After that, I laid down next to the boy on the blanket. It was cold. I heard the nature around me. There was so much life in the night. An owl screeched. The wind howled in the trees. I heard a fox barking in the distance. Juno and Grisha were silent. They probably slept already. But I laid awake. My thoughts were racing. Why did they take so long to search for me? Who told them where to search? I was curious but to find it out I had to get caught. My heart beat like crazy. There was no way they could find me in the night. Tomorrow morning I should get up early and ride away. I turned around and hugged Fenris. I needed to save him. He mumbled something but didn't wake up. I closed my eyes and thought about Levi. It wasn't fair. Being so far away from him. Fearing for his life. And for my own. I remembered his voice, how afraid he was when he opened the door to my room. At that moment he wasn't able to hide his feelings behind a mask of uninterest and rudeness. He showed how much he cared for me and how important I really was to him. Petra and Gunther were wrong. He didn't belonged to anyone. He wanted to be part of our lives. He wanted to be part of my life. I feel asleep.

When I woke up in the morning, Fenris sat on my belly and laughed. "Oh boy, it's far too early" I mumbled. But I got up and folded the blanket. It was still gloomy and early. The sun still didn't show. Grisha and Juno stood nearby. "Let's go. We have to move on" I said and put Fenris back on Grisha's back. Then we were off again. I took the opposite direction of the headquarters of the Survey Corps. We rode a few hours until the sun showed up. It was about to be a beautiful day. But not for me. I feared. My father searched for me. Fenris was in danger. Levi wasn't with me. Erwin couldn't protect me. I was all alone in the middle of a forest I didn't knew. "Mama" Fenris said. "Just a bit more" I told him. I started sing children's songs to him, tell him stories and talked to him about several things. "You know papa is outside the wall? He's hunting titans. He kills them. He fights to keep us safe. Erwin is the leader" I explained. "He have to run away because a bad man is hunting us. He'll hurt us if he gets a hold on us" I told him. Time passed by slowly. I listened to the sounds around us. There were no people. No horses. No one. We were all alone.

Currently outside the walls

Levi couldn't focus. His mind was somewhere else. With Shura. The girl he was told to stay away from. She meant danger. Erwin knew it. He told him to keep away from her. The Kupin family was a bunch of rich assholes. They're called the Kupin Mafia where he's from. Illegal work and drugs were their business. Levi hated the head of the Kupin Mafia. No one else than Shura's father. The greatest asshole on earth. Levi clenched his fist and threw a dark glare to the sky. He would keep her safe. He wasn't able to save his squad and now everyone was dead. Died for no reason. "I'll fight for her. She won't die on me" he whispered. He opened his hands and looked at his palm. His nails left dark red marks in his skin. "Shit" he cursed. What was wrong with him? He never allowed himself to feel love. He hated love. It made people do awful things, go insane. Levi knew, everyone saw how much control he had. His own sanity made people have hope. As long as he kept his feelings under control he didn't had to worry. He left his feelings inside the wall. Together with her. The girl. Shura Roxanna Anushka Fenriz-Kupin. The daughter of the greatest asshole in the world. And he fell in love with her. He left her behind. He left her to save humanity. At least he thought he would. But no one could figure out how devastating this mission would end. And now, on their way back, all he could think of was that small girl. That helpless girl he left behind. "Corporal? Can I ask you something?" an cadet asked. "Yes cadet Olive?" he asked the redhead besides him. "You seem sad. I wanted to know if you're alright" the girl said. "I'm thinking about trainee Sunniva. I'm wondering if she woke up. Or if she's already dead. Like everyone else" Levi answered. There was no need in hiding the truth. "I'm so sorry for your lost, corporal" she said and pat his shoulder. The girl wasn't one of the cadets Levi knew. She was always with cadet Eve and she told him about her friend. That's why he recognised the cadet. "It's okay. I just don't want to suffer any more losses. The boy needs her" Levi shrugged her hand off. "Which boy?" Olive wondered. "Fenris. Erwin adopted him, but Sunniva was watching over him" Levi explained. Olive didn't knew a thing about it? He expected the news to be number one topic in the Survey Corps. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. I don't have many friends here. And I'm not from headquarters" Olive explained. That's why she was so surprised to hear all this. "So you're friends with Eve? Did you know Eve stayed behind to look after Sunniva. If you want you can join me on my way back to headquarters" Levi proposed. "That would be nice. I haven't seen her in a while" Olive smiled. Levi started to get into a better mood. He was sure Shura would be still alive. He knew she heard his words. Words he never wanted to speak. It was hard to admit that he fell in love, even though Erwin helped him. But speaking it out loud was the hardest thing he'd ever done. Shura had to be alive. He wanted to hug her and her the words from her. He didn't need a kiss. A hug was all he wanted. A hug and the three magical words. "Levi" Erwin asked. Levi answered with a growl. "Do you think Sunniva is alright?" his best friend asked. Levi turned his head to Erwin in surprise. "Why are you asking?" Levi asked. Did his friend had feelings for her? At least she was his fiancée. "I'm worried. She tried to kill herself. And she's my fiancee. Also, I know what you're feeling for her. I won't get in between you and her" Erwin explained. Levi nodded. "She should be alright. She's alive" Levi answered. Erwin still worried about Levi. The dark spark in his friend's grey eyes showed how much fear he has. How angry he is. "Don't worry Levi" Erwin mumbled and touched Levi on his arm. "Commander? I'll be joining Lance Corporal Levi on his way back to headquarters. Is it okay?" Olive asked. Erwin smiled at the girl. "He needs a little company. It's okay if you go with him, cadet Olive" Erwin allowed her. Unlike Levi, Erwin always knew the names of the cadet he was talking to. Levi showed not enough interest and forgot names easily. Erwin used to help Levi with remembering names. "Erwin. You're my best friend" Levi said. "Yes, I am. And I consider you my best friend" Erwin answered. "You told me what I was feeling before I knew it" Levi said. "I know what you want to say. And no. I won't let you go" Erwin insisted. He glared at Levi. "You're too strong for this" he said. Levi nodded. Erwin was right. Following Shura won't bring her back. It won't work for him. "I'm just too stubborn" Levi realised. He was useful for humanity. He saved thousands of people. It felt great, making a difference for the future of humanity. And his life finally changed, so there was no reason to end it because of a stupid girl. "I won't do it" Levi proposed. "Do what? What are you talking about? What does he feel? Corporal Levi, did you fall in love with trainee Sunniva?" asked Olive. "That's none of your business cadet Olive. Mind your own" Levi shouted. He didn't want to get angry at her. But the nearer they came to Wall Rose, the greater were his worries. "Calm down Levi. And cadet Olive? Mind your place. Our private life is none of your interests" Erwin told the girl. She nodded. Erwin mustered the girl. Her green eyes kept locked on the saddle on her horse. Levi looked at Erwin. Then at Olive. "Cadet. I'm sorry. I didn't wanted to shout at you" Levi excuses his behaviour. "No problem. I'm just worried about Eve though. She's very sensible" Olive explained. "You two are pretty close, right?" Erwin asked. "Oh yes. Very. She's my girlfriend" Olive said and laughed. Erwin smiled. "I'm happy that there's still so much love in this world" he said. Levi shook his head. "Feelings are a weakness" he stated. "But still you have it" Erwin pointed out

Back with Shura and Fenris

We paused at a small river. The horses needed food and water. And Fenris was hungry. I gave him some cookies and a cucumber. We rested for a bit and eventually fell asleep. I woke up when I heard horses. I rushed to pack our things, and get Fenris back on Grisha's back. "Faster. Faster Juno!" I sat up and screamed. "There she is. Follow her. Catch her!" a man behind me shouted. My father. Anush Kupin. Grisha rushed off and I let go of him. He would bring Fenris back, I hoped. But Juno wasn't as fast as Grisha. I wished I would wear the 3D maneuver gear. Then my escape could be easier. I pressed my feet in Junos sides. She sprinted away over a fallen tree, a bush, a river. We were fast. But the men catched up with me. Grisha was nowhere to be seen. So I turned around. "Don't come near me. I'm dangerous. I'm infected with a deadly virus!" I shouted. The men started laughing and came nearer. The last one to join was a figure I knew too well. "Shura. Just like that girl told me. You know, she told us where to find you. And how you changed your looks" Anush told me. "What was her name" I asked. Could it be? Has Eve told him? "Petra. I don't remember her last name" Anush said. "She's a bitch" I spat. "Don't use such language, young Lady" he growled. "Yeah? I should not? Well then I'm no lady. I'm trainee. For the Survey Corps. And if Erwin and Levi will find you, they'll destroy you" I shouted. "Levi? Ackermann? That asshole is worthless" Anush said. "Don't you dare to talk about him like that!" I screamed. Anger raised in me. "What? Why shouldn't I?" Anush asked. I was in rage. I didn't hear his intonation that should have told me to stop. I didn't hear anything. "He's nice. He's a good man. And I love him" I said. Then I realised what I had done. Now Anush wanted him dead. There was no other man than him that I was allowed to love.


	9. Chapter 8

I was back to where I started. My head rested on the pillow of my bed in my father's house. He caged me. Locked the door behind me. Took all my blades and didn't gave me a way out. And he didn't visit me at all. Not in the night, not at daytime. "Bastard" I cursed and turned around. Fenris still kept missing. He wasn't found yet. Anush didn't search for him. I was sure. I was worried about him. Sure, Grisha was a good horse. But Fenris still was a small boy. He was all alone. Hopefully Grisha brought him back to the headquarters. If they found Fenris they would know what happened. I hoped Levi and Erwin wouldn't do something really stupid. If they tried to blow up my father's business, the whole inner circle would be in danger. The drugs my father's selling kept the people uninterested. It meant the whole peace was at stake, just because I was engaged to Erwin. Or have been… "Shura. Please stand up" Anush said. I trew on a morning robe and knocked on the door. "I'm awake" I answered him. "I'll open the door. Step aside" Anush locked the door up and came into my room. "You look beautiful" he whispered and placed his hands on my hips. "You're a terrible liar" I spat out. "And you're a terrible daughter. I came to you to tell you about that man" Anush said and sat on my bed. "Levi" I corrected. "The Lance corporal" Anush chuckled. "Yeah. Corporal Levi" I smiled. The thought of him made me happy. "He's a midget" Anush grinned. "And he's a killer" "He's a nice man who cares for his friends and colleagues" I glared at the man in front of me. "Don't worry littlw bird. My friends will visit that glorious man. And when they come back, your hero will be nothing but titan food" Anush propheted. "He'll kick your ass, asshole" I stormed into my bathroom. Anush laughed and left my room. After he closed the door behind me, I started sobbing. It was all my fault. Anush men will kill Levi. And all because of me. Because I was that stupid little girl. With no experience at all. I tried to calm myself. Levi hab the whole Survey Corps behind his back. They were the best killers of all. If one had a chance to survive, it'll be Levi and the Survey Corps. "He'll kick your ass" I growled. Then I restedvin my bed and started to read a book. It was nothing special. Just a tale about a girl who ran away and died behind the walls. I hated how my father always told me that bad girls were prey for titans. He said that if I didn't follow his orders, the titans would kill me. Eren laughed when I first told him the lies of Anush. "Titans aren't gods. They are stupid. They will eat you even if you behave. So stoo whining and fight" he said. Fight. He used to use that word a lot. It was burned into his brain. Like a mantra. And the often he said fight, the deeper I remembered it. It was my mantra now. I had to fight. I will fight. But first, I needed to play along with my father.

I spend the rest of the day reading. And then I went to beeb without dinner. No one was send up to my room to bring me food. But in the morning, Lisa woke me up. "Good morning mylady. Anush wants you to participate in todays meeting. There will be guests this afternoon. I brought you breakfast, even though he forbid me to feed you. But I don't want you to starve" she said. I ate an apple and drank the coffee she brought me. "Lisa. Can you bring me a knife or some kind of scissors tomorrow morning?" I asked. "No. You don't have to kill you" she said. I nodded. That was the problem. I wanted to escape. Even I do I had to die for it. "It's okay" I answered. Then I went to the bathroom and took a shower. It was late in the morning and no one wanted to talk to me. Lisa disappeared soon and took the rest of the breakfast with her. It was still an apple and some cookies left. But she took it with her. After I finished the shower, I put on an elegant black dress. It was cut deep and showed much skin. Just what Anush liked on me. I brushed my hair and let it flow over my shoulders. The white hair made a good contrast to the black dress. "Miss, Anush awaits you in the hall" a butler told me and opened my door. I put on black heels and slowly walked out of my room. Then the butler took my arm and showed me the way to my father. "You're very beautiful Shura. The white hair colour suits you" he complimented me. "Liar" I shushed. "No. I'm honest. Just smile today and the night won't be too bad" Anush told me and took my arm. I forced a smile and turned to the doors. The guests arrived and we greeted ever single one.

Only continue to read if you're strong enough. This contains a scene with rape.

There were men who visited me in the nights of my childhood. Anush always opened my room for them. It were nights like these. I hoped that this was no such night. "Mister Ivanovich, it's nice that you found your way here. That's my daughter, Shura Roxanna Anushka Fenriz-Kupin" my father told the man in front of us. He was fat, had small eyes and almost no hair on his head. "She's a real beauty. Like a single snowflake. I'm happy to meet her" Ivanovich said. "You can get to know her in her room later that evening" Anush whispered. The nice smile on Ivanovichs face turned into a lust full grin. "The sooner the better" he grinned. "Shura, this man is important. I need his money. Go take him to your room" Anush told me. I took Ivanovichs hand and showed him up to my room. A butler followed us. "Your father knows what his guests really want" Ivanovich snarled after I took of my dress. Then he undressed himself and forced me on my bed. "Please, be kind Mister Ivanovich" I begged. Ivanovich wasn't nice. He pinned me to the bed and stringed my hands and feet to the bedposts. He hit me, bit me and told me to scream his name. Master. I should name him my master. After that sicko was ready, he dressed himself and left the room. Then Lisa entered the room, helped me off the bed and freshed me up. After I was dressed, I joined the party of my father again.

Now you can continue to read *

"You're a good girl" my father said and hugged me. His hands rested on my hips. "Yeah? Now the titans won't come to eat me, right? I'm so sick of you and your lies" I whispered. I had enough. My father sold my body for his own business and raped me because he was sick. Anush was a mental ill tyrann. "Have you heard of that boy? He's a titan shifter. He's a monster" I heard people whisper while my father showed me to my seat. "Eren… " I whispered. The talking continued. "He should have been executed. And now they bring him to his titan friends and they'll destroy us" the man next to me whispered to his neighbour. "Eren" I said loud. "Shura. Quiet!" Anush hushed. I stood up. "His name is Eren" I shouted. Everyone went quiet and stared at me. "And he saved our lives" I continued. "He's no monster. Anush is one. You all are monsters if you talk like that. If you really want to live, then help him. The Survey Corps. Just help them" The people stared at me in disbelief. "What happened to your daughter Anush?" a man asked. "She ran away and wasn't punished enough" Anush growled. He pulled me to my seat. "Now, my servants will bring the food. Have a seat and eat" Anush tried to save the situation. The people sat down and whispered to each other. "She's right" someone said loud. "He plucked the hole. He saved us all" another one said. The people nodded in unison. "He almost killed his girlfriend. He's nothing more than a titan. And he's not on our side" Anush said. The atmosphere changed. Everyone glared at me. "She's on his side" Ivanovich said. "She's titan prey" another one said. Then Lisa and two other maids served the food and the people continued to talk about less serious issues. "So you've been engaged to Erwin?" the man next to me asked. "Have been, yes. Anush annulled the marriage after I visited Erwin" I explained. "That's sad. Erwin was a good match" he smiled. The honesty in his eyes surprised me. "It's okay, Anush is my father. I have to do what he says" I said and took a bite of my salad. "You're not allowed to have wishes?" the man asked. "You're new in the company of Anush?" I smiled and looked directly at him. "My name's Henry Ferguson. I'm the new partner of your father's business" he said and gave me his hand. I shook it. "Nice to meet you" he said and came near me. "Sunniva" he whispered. Then he dropped a paper in my hand and sat back up. "But you got to know Erwin. Tell me about him" Henry pleased. "Erwin is really nice. He's kind and very responsible. But it seems like he doesn't like kids. At least he doesn't know how to handle them" I said. "I've heard of it. He adopted a child that lost his parents in Trost" Henry said. "Yes. It was me who saved the boy. And I brought him to Erwin. Fenris is in good hands, I hope" I said and remembered that he still was missing. "Shura, would you please tell everyone what you have done?" my father asked. I stood up and tried to catch everyone's attention. "My name is Shura Roxanna Anushka Fenriz-Kupin. I'm the daughter of Anush Kupin. I ran away after my father engaged me to Erwin Smith" I said and sat back down. "Anush catched you" a man asked. "Yes" I stated. "You're terrible" a woman said. "Yes" again. "We'll have dessert soon. Please stand up and follow me outside" Anush pleased after a while. The people stopped insulting me and went outside. I waited until everyone left and followed after it. "I was worried about you" Henry greeted me. He gave me a glass of whine. "I'm not allowed to drink alcohol" I excused me. "I'll get you a water" Henry said and disappeared. "He's a good man" Anush said suddenly. He took my hand and kissed it. "He's very honest" I answered. "And his family has a lot of money. Sadly, he's already been married" Anush said. He smiled at me and turned away. "Your father is a good business man" Henry said and gave me a water. "Sure he is. He's rich even though he started poor" I said. "But he's a bad father" Henry said. We walked away from the group. "He is. But that's just how it is" I said and smiled sad. "I hope you'll get better" Henry said. Then someone shouted his name and he left me. I was all alone now. Henry knew someone of the Survey Corps. I was sure. I closed my hand around the paper hidden in my dress. I had to hide it somewhere else if I got a chance to. "Shura. Don't you want to participate in your father's party? " a woman asked me. She was a bitch and I knew her. One of the women that wanted my father's money. "Yes, Lady Ladungen" I answered and followed her back to the group. I drank another water and stood helpless around. No one wanted to talk. I guess, I scared them away when I told them how Eren wasn't a monster. "He's my best friend" I mumbled. "Sorry?" someone asked. It was Henry. "Eren. He's one of my best friends" I repeated. "You're able to have friends?" he asked. It seemed like he really was surprised. "I've lived with my grandmother and in her house for a few years. Eren, Mikasa and Armin grew really close to me. And now, I consider Eve, Erwin and Levi my friends too" I whispered. "That's a lot. You must be a nice girl. I think you're very sympathic" Henry smiled. "I hope you get free one day. You know, there's always someone who will help you. Now i have to join your father again. He's good for our business" Henry explained and left me. I told a butler that I needed some rest and went up to my room. Then I locked my bathroom door behind me and unfolded the paper.

Dear Shura.

I'm currently not able to write, but Erwin does it for me since I've injured my arm. We're planning on saving you. Since we came back to our headquarters and Fenris arrived alone, without you, we knew, Anush captured you. I shouldn't have gone with Erwin on that mission. But I needed. I had to keep Eren safe, the fate of humanity. His powers are amazing and dangerous. But another Titan shifter appeared and the mission failed. Now we're back we have to find that other titan. It waybe know more than we do. For now I hope at least you're safe and not injured.  
Henry's the man you need to trust. he's our ticket in, and yours out of the district your fathers reigns. In three days, from when you received the letter, we'll come and get you. The military police will arrive, and we're with them. Henry's only purpose is, to find out all secrets about your father and tell the military about it. don't tell anyone about his true objective. No one will ever know that the information is from him. Not even the military. Just don't tell anyone. Tell Henry as much as possible. Even the darkest secrets that no one knows. I#m sure there are things even you don't know or forgot.  
I love you, Shura. Please stay safe.

Yours, Levi

I wiped away the tears in my eyes. Levi was back, he was still alive but hurt. And they tried to blow up my father's business with Henry's help. All that was left to me, was to tell everything and get to know every detail. Get the information my father was hiding from me. I clenched my fist around the paper. Anush will pay for his crimes. Maybe I wasn't the one who told justice about him, but he will be punished. His dark soul will burn in hell eternally. And I will be with Levi. forever. "Shura, what are you doing in there? Are you crying? I walready told Lady Ladungen that you're very weak today and that she should keep her mouth shut" my father asked. he knocked on the door. "Open the door for me, Shura" he pleased. I flushed the paper down the toilet and opened the door. Anush greeted me and hugged me. "I will never let you go" he whispered and kissed me in the neck. He didn't lie. His words were the awful truth. Anush let his hands glide down my back and rest on my butt. Then he pressed me agains him. "Do you like Henry?" he asked. "Yes. He's kind" I answered. "Do you think he's good for our business?" he asked again. "Of course. He seems like a honest man. And he has money" I told him. He bit my ear. "Father..." I pleased. My voice was shaking in fear. I didn't want him to do this. He moaned and pressed me agains the wall. "Anush" I said. "No. Who am I?"he asked with lustfull voice. "My father" I sighed. "You know what I want to hear Shura" Anush bit my neck. I screamed in pain. "Daddy! daddy please. Stop" I shouted. "What should I do?" His hands hurt in my back. "Make it stop..." i whispered. And Anush stopped and fulfilled his cravings for me. He waited for me until I was dressed again and controlled, I any of his bite marks were visible. I had a dark bruise in my neck. "Well, everyone knows what is going on. I don't care about that mark. Come with me Shura" Anush commanded. I followed him back outside, where Henry waited. He smiled at Anush and shook his hand, the he came to me. "Are you okay?" he asked. I showed him the dark mark in my neck. "Oh..." was everything he said. I knew it looked bad. Everything about this situation should hurt me and drive me into insanity, but all I felt was tired. I was used to it and it made me tired. All I wanted was to sleep. "Shura. Don't... Stay awake" Henry shook my shoulders. I smiled at him. That man was my saviour. "Thanks" I said and stepped out of his reach. Then I fell asleep just were I stood. When my body hit the groud I was already riding side my side with Levi in the land of dreams.


	10. no new chapter

p style="text-align: center;"strongspan style="text-decoration: underline;"this will be deleted after a week/span/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"Hey guys!/p  
p style="text-align: center;"I just wanted to tell you why I didn't updated for a week. I moved out from home! Yay!br /Now I'm living in a... I don't know the english word for it. I'm living in a flat together with other students. There are no parents. I'm all on my own. It's new to me and the stress in the last days forced all my strenght. But now I don't need to go by train every day and I've got a lot more time. For fanfiction writing for example. or studying - not -/p  
p style="text-align: center;"Well I try to update every day. There's so much more for this story! I planned so much! br /maybe I've to change the content from teen to mature... There will be bloodbr /and torture and rape. And Anush will be even a bigger dick than he is now.../p  
p style="text-align: center;"Much fun with the new chapter!br /emItte kimasu :*/em/p 


	11. chapter 9

I woke up in pitch black darkness. I was alone. Again. "Anush?" I asked into the darkness. "Henry?" I asked again. There was no answer. "Is there anyone? Where am I?" I cried out. "You're in the secret dungeon of Anush Kupin" a voice answered. I hear the sound of clothes shuffling. "My name's Ramsay Fenriz. I once worked for Anush. But then I fell in love with his wife. Teresa was very nice to me and we grew closer. When Anush found out about it, he got angry. He catched me and tortured me. I told Teresa to run away but she stayed with me. I think he didn't talk to her or interacted or saw her for a year. He tortured me every day. The only thing that kept me sane for that time was Teresa. She wasn't able to visit me but a maid brought me messages from her. Teresa was pregnant and it was mine. My child. After the kid was born he told Teresa I died. And then he trew me into this dungeon to keep me. And torture me whenever he liked. I haven't seen Teresa in years. And I've never seen my child alive... I hope he didn't kill the kid" the man told me. He stunk. He sat near me. I heard it and I smelled it. "My name's Shura Roxanna Anushka Fenriz-Kupin. I'm Anush Kupin's daughter" I told him. "Really? Do you have a sister? Or brother?" he asked. "No. I'm an only child. Why do I have the same last name like you?" I asked. my heart beat faster. Was Anush not my father? Could it be that my real father sat in the darkness next to me? Why didn't I knew about it? Why did Teresa never tell me about him? "You're probaby my child. I wished Teresa could confirm it. It's so sad that she died so young" he sighed. "Maybe Anush can tell us more" I suggested. "He rarely visits" Ramsay spat out. "Are you blind?" I asked. "Not yet. Lisa visits every evening and brings a light and a book. Then I'm reading until the candle burned down. She brings also food" he said. then he started laughing hystericallly. "My god. I thought I would die alone in darkness. But now I'm dying side by side with the only person I thought I'd never see again" he giggled. I crawled away. "Stay where you are. There are corpses and bones in the background. That's why it's smelling like that" he said and grabbed my foot. His hands were soft and warm. "In three days I should be rescued" I whispered. "By who?" he asked, coming closer. "The Military Police and the Survey Corps. My friends of the Survey Corps want to save me. There's this man I fell in love with... He will do anything for me" I said. "You've a boyfriend?" he asked in disbelief. "Yeah..." I answered shy. I heard steps and a door bang. Then there was suddelny so much light that I couldn't see anything. "Shura. Stand up and come with me" Anush growled. I stood up and stubled towards him. "Ramsay, you're still alive? So Lisa's feeding you well? I'll get you later" he said. Then he dragged me upstairs into a different room, where he tied me to wall. "I have to tell you a story, my dear" he said and smiled. Then he removed the dress I was wearing and put a knife to my skin. "No. don't hurt me..." I pleased weak. "I won't my dear. At least not now" he smiled and turned away. Then he left the room. I cursed and tried to move. This was new. He never did somehing like that to me. Everything told me that there was no love left in him. He didn't wanted me or anything. He was just a cold hearted asshole. "I'm back my princess" he really came back. And he dragged Ramsay behind him. "Look who I've got" he tied him to the wall opposite from me. "I'm so sorry Mister Fenriz" I said. The man had long, dark brown hair. It looked kind of clean. His beard rested on his chest. His eyes were dark brown and lifeless. "Shit, you look just like her" he said and smiled. "Ramsay, you know, that's not funny" Anush told him. "Only her hair... What did you do to her hair?" Ramsay asked confused. "I've done nothing. Go, tell him Shura" Anush told me. He took the knife again and went to Ramsay, where he tore his shirt off. scars streched over his chest, showed how much he's been tortured by Anush. "Stop it!" I screamed. "I'll tell it. I ran away. After the incident in Trost, where the Titan breached the wall and the hole has been plucked again I returned home for the first time in a few years. Anush had a marriage with Erwin Smith arranged, he's the commander of the Survey Squad. I decided to visit them together with Fenris, he's a little boy I adopted after his parents died in Trost. I met my friends of my days in Trost and Commander Erwin. we talked a lot, his Corporal was with him alot and I got to know him. Well, then I told them about Anush and what he did to me, so they said they would save me. They picked me up at night and I ran away with them. In their headquarters I was introduced as Trainee Sunniva. I bleached my hair and learned how to move with the 3D Maneuver Gear and how to slay titans. But then Anush men found me while everyone was off on a mission outside the walls and I took my two horses and fenris and rode into the forest. they captured me but Fenris never appeared here. All I can think of is Fenris, I hope he's not dead" I explained everything. I was worried sick about Fenris, but he was found by the Survey Squad, so I didn't have to worry about him. Anush still didn't know it, so I had to act like he was still missing. "Ah, there's something I wanted to show you. If you could look to me, princess" Anush said. He crossed the room and stood next to a desk, where something lied on. it looked just like the figure of a small, very dead human. "...you did not..." I said. tears dwelled up in my eyes. He removed the cloth covering the boy. There was nothing to be recognised left. "This is your dear Fenris. He screamed like a bitch but said nothing exept Mama, Papa, Levi and Shura" he said with a big grin painted on his lips. "You're a monster" I spat out. Anger filled my stomach like hot soup. He tortured and killed an innocent boy just to show his corpse to me. "Well, he won't stay the only one. I planned on bringing your little family together on that desk. Grandmother, the son, the grandfather, the father and you" he explained. "Teresa's long gone" I said. "No. She's back there. Behind this curtain. I think she's awake. But she won't move or talk unless I allow it to her. Come to me, little bird" he chirped. the curtain moved and my mother stepped next to him. She wore a long, white dress, her black hair flowed over her shoulders. She seemed like she didn't even realised that she was awake. "Sit down. And look at her" he commanded. Teresa sat down and stared at me. Then, there was a movement in her eyes. She looked at me, not just through me. "Shura. My girl. What are you doing here? You're still not married? Ansuh, explain this" she said. her voice was silent and absent. "She ran away from me and returned. When I wanted to marry her to a good man, she rejected him and ran away. She's in love with some other man, he has an old family but he's an underground criminal" Ansuh said. "He's not! He's a good and nice man" I shouted. Levi wasn't bad. Not anymore. "She's lying Anush. My dear, save ger. Het some sense into her" she whispered. Anush stood up. "Shit, Teresa. Don't you remember me?" Ramsay screamed. Her eyes flackered but she turned her head at Anush. "Get him silent" he said simply. She tied a piece of cloth around his mouth. Ramsay stared at her. The pain in his eyes pushed tears into mine. But then stood Anush in front of me and blocked my view. teresa joined his side. "You know that Levi Ackermann is a searched criminal", he growled. "He's not" I insisted. Teresa hit me in the face. "Fuck, he's not a criminal. He's the best man ever, together with Eren and Erwin and Armin" I said. Anush hit me stomach. "I won't say it. Hurt me as much as you want. Levi will stay the best one" I whispered and closed my eyes. Several hits and cuts followed. Probably helped Teresa him. "She's stubborn" Teresa said finally. "There's something that will make her weak", Anush said angry. I remembered this voice. "Do it. I want you to do it" Teresa pleased. I opened my eyes to see how my father kissed Teresa with passion. Then he turned to me and unzipped his pants. "Now, it's your turn" his voice was deep again.

The worst part about it was my mother watching him. Us. She didn't say a word, but it hurt. I know she wasn't the best mother of all, but still I loved her. I really did. But when she died, I closed that chapter. Why was she even still alive? "It's enough. You don't want her to get pregnant" she interrupted my father. Anush stepped away from me. "She's not ready Tamara. There's su much more to do before she breaks" he said. Then he turned around and pushed Tamara aside. Then he untied the cloth in Ramsays mouth. "Tell her the truth Tamara" he said and glared at Ramsay. "Before I got normal, Ramsay and I, we were a couple. I was a bad wife. I got pregnant by Ramsay. But Anush saved me and turned me normal. My feelings for Ramsay were wrong and I was sick because of it. Now I'm the good wife I had to be" she spoke monotonous. "You're such a sicko" I screamed and spat out. This was so wrong. Tamara was out of her mind. "don't you speak like that with your mother! I gave birth to you. I was in so much pain for you" Tamara screamed back. "You both are sick. Mad. Insane. Get me out of here. Bloody hell what happened to you?" I screamed. My screaming turned into crying. "I think she's ready for stage two" Anush said and hold out his hands. Tamara gave him a knife. He took it. "now scream, little prince" he whispered. Then he made the first cut across Ramsays chest. The man focused on Anush face and glared at him. "I won't scream for you sicko" he growled. "You will" Anush said. Then he went over to a cupboard and took a bottle. "This is called Cryworm. You'll see why" he took the Cryworm out of the bottle and placed it on Ramsays chest. then the worm begun to eat and dissapeared into his flesh. Ramsays screamed were inhuman and full of pain. I cried, and cried and cried. "Stop it!" I shouted. "I can't stop that worm" Anush smiled. "Tamara, come with me. We will leave them alone" he said. Then the two madmen left the room. I could only watch Ramsay. he was in so much pain. The worm ate of him. "I'm so sorry" I said. "Don't" Ramsay screamed. "I didn't knew of all this. It's so surreal. I don't understand why they act like this. I know, they're siblings. I'm sure that their parents were siblings too. I'm surprised I don't have a brother to marry. Maybe Anush was unable to fuck Tamara after he knew of both of you. that could be the reason why he started abusing me. He planned to marry me... and to continue the family tradition. He always told me those stories about his plans when I had to share his bed. How we would start a family. we would have a daugther and a son, they would love each other and play together and step on the heir of the Kupin family" i talked. All I could do was talk to him. Ramsay stopped screaming. Still the pain was visible on his face, but he didn't made a sound. "I'm not insane because Anush is not my biological father. I'm very glad that you're my father Ramsay. You would've been a good father. But Anush took everything from us. Now he's taking your life. Well, technically he's leaving you to die. in his eyes you're not even worth to be killed by him personally. I think you should close your eyes and die already. Just leave. That will be better for you. leave this life behind. You suffered so much, there will be another life after this. You'll be reborn into a better life. Without pain" I said. Ramsay smiled weak and closed his eyes. His body streched in pain but suddenly he tensed up and relaxed again. Then he was dead. I stared at the corpse of my father. What will now be waiting for me? "Asshole" I whispered. "How could you? Anush, he was a good man. I know he took your wife, but you had no rigth to torture him" I shouted. There was no use in all of this. I relaxed. Anush won't come back so soon. I finally had time to think. I just found my real father. I just lost the very same man. I was locked up and chained to a wall somewhere below my father's mansion. My mother was still alive but a brainless shell of the woman she used to be. Levi had no chance in finding me where I was now. I wanted to escape this prison, but in doing so I had to play along and obey Anush and his commands. I had to become like Tamara. "That's not fair" I sighed. I waited for Anush to return to me. But eventually no one showed up. They left me alone for hours and I fell asleep. I didn't even noticed Tamara returned.


	12. chapter 10

Tamara must have released me and laid me on the ground while I slept. She threw a blanket over me to covered me up. Now that I was aawke, I sat up. "You fell asleep. Anush allowed me to release you while you slept. I had to please him several times. Now I have to chain you back to the wall since you're awake again" she explained to me and pat my head. I pushed her and away and stood up and stepped to the wall. She closed the locks around my feet and hands and I didn't protested. "I'm sorry" she said and smiled weak. "Why?" I asked. The sudden feelings in her eyes surprised me. "You're my daughter" she said smiling. "You're dead" I answered cold. I hated her. She wasn't my mother anymore. My real mother died when I was younger. What she allowed Anush to do to me killed her at last. "Don't you see? I'm alive. I'm right in front of you" she insisted. "The one in front of me isn't my mother. My mother died" I spat out. "Stop it Shura. Please. I din't had a chance!" she pleased. "You had. I'd rather die than let my child be raped, over and over again by the same man, by her father. You had a choice Tamara. You choose life and let me die. I'm dead inside. How else could I cope with Anush raping me? I died ecause you didn't figth. You wanted to stay alive for your own. You saved yourself and let your daugther die" I screamed. That woman made me angry. She never cared for me once, she was always absent or in her own thougths. At least her stories were okay, they kept me busy. "Shura! he forced me" Tamara started to cry. I didn't care. I was left by everyone, and no one could ever reach me to save me from this hell. All I wanted was to die. Die and end this terrible pain. "Shura" she whimpered "You're right. I could have chosen to fight. But I didn't because worse than fighting was seeing you be killded by your father. He told me if I would fight back, he would kill you. I knew, leaving you would give him permission to do to you what he wanted, but I didn't wanted to loose you. I gave life to you and I didn't wanted to be responsilbe for you loosing it. I loved your father. I hated Anush. But he had the force and powers to get us both killed. It was hard enough loosing your father. I had to watch how Anush hurt him all those years. And my love for that man grew every time. And my hate for Anush did too. And I did everything just for you to stay alive", she explained. "You know what? I hate you" I stared at her. "Please stay calm... I have to tell you something" she said. "Yeah? Something important? Did he decide to make me his sex slave? Well, I'm not interested in giving up my life and body for him. Tell him to fuck himself. I won't become his sex slave" I was furious. "I'm pregnant. I'm bearing Anush's child" she opened up and stared at me. "Well, that's fantastic. Good luck in protecting that child. You failed with me" I answered sarcastic. "You are pregnant too" she said and poked my belly. The silence that followed was unbearable. I laughed. "I'm not" I laughed. "You are. I tested you. And I hope for you own sake that it's his child and not Ackermann's" she said. "I wished it was Levi's. I wished it was!" I shouted. Tamara told the truth. I was pregnant with my father's child. It wasn't Levi's, I had no chance of getting near him. At least not like that. The scar Anush gave me was too deep. "If mine is born disabled, we will adopt your child. You will live here, in this room, to serve Anush commands" Tamara said. I saw the tears in her eyes. Did I hurt her that much? I shook my head. She was a cold hearted bitch, and deserved everything. "I wish you suffer great under Anush" I spat on her. She wiped it away and smiled at me. Then she left the room. I really was enraged. How dare she? I hated everything, everyone and myself the most. I was alnoe with my thoughts for a while. What would Anush tell the world about the sudden apperance of his dead wife? Would he tell she rose from the dead? Would he tell them that she's Tamara's long lost twin sister? I got curious over a while. And what would he tell about me? Would he tell I ran away? I died? There were so many things I didn't understand. I didn't understand Anush behaviour and reactions either.

Nothing hurts more than loosing everyone you've ever loved. I was lost, and no one would ever find me. This hell was somewhere far below the surface and noone knew about it. Anush finally had what he wanted all the time. He broke me by letting me loose everything that meant something to me. And now he could use me for his sick wishes. He didn't had to hold back. There was no one who had to see me. And I had a baby, Anush baby. It wasn't Levis, for sure. There was no time to get intimate with him. Tamara thought I was some slut that slept with every male I came near to. But she forgot that my father selled me, that he forced me to have sex with several men. It was hilarious. I ended up far away in a living hell, without doing anything wrong. I was simply just born. It wasn't even my fault, but I had to pay the price while the true culprits either died or continued to live a life in wealth. I wanted this unborn child to die. Giving birth to it would chain my feelings for it, and Anush was too brutal to be a loving father. Even though no one was with me, I started to tell my worries out loud. "I don't want to be the mother of a child, whose father is insane. It's not good. Insanity is given by blood. And I am insane too... I really want to die. I can't be a mother. Mothers shouldn't wish to die. My life is a mess, I'm in hell and the hell is no place for a child to raise. I know, Levi wouldn't approve it, he would hate me for it, but I want this child to die inside my belly. I can't give birth to Anush child. I can't give life when I want to loose mine" A laugh rose inside me. "There. I'm insane. There's nothing I can do" I laughed loud. Suddenly I thought about Fenris. I lost him. He surely was okay. He was alive, people looked after him, he wasn't alone. They teached him things and raised him well. Fenris didn't need me anymore. But I needed him. He reminded me of life. How beautiful it was. That love was something truly good. Love was good and didn't hurt.y fathers love hurt me. But the feelings I had for Fenris were different. And they gave me the chance to fall in love with Levi. Fenris was my everything. I missed him. He was my life. Loosing that little angel made me loose control over my life. But at least he was safe. He had people care for him. And I'll be reunited with him when Levi saves me. I only had to wait. It won't take long until they're here. My father will be captured and I would be finally free. I was my only hope and the only thing I really held on to. Fenris and Levi. Those two changed everything for me. They would save me.

But I was alone for hours. It felt like an eternity. I fell asleep chained to the wall. Then I woke up, chained to the wall. And I had no sense of time at all. I just slept and woke up again. And fell asleep again and woke up again and repeated it. I was starving and so hungry but noone came to bring me food and water. I started to sing children's songs. Count seconds. Imagine how Levi would save me in several versions. I did everything to keep my sanity. My fantasies became very realistic and I started to hallucinate. I almost felt Levis hands how he untied me, but when my vision cleared and I realised it was Tamara. "I bring you food" she said monotonous. I knew, Anush did something to her. "What has he done?" I asked weak. As soon as my feet touched the ground I collapsed and curled up in a ball. "He hit me. And he insulted me. He said whore... To his own sister, to his loving wife" she said. She sat down next to me. "Do you know how much this hurts? I wished I was never born. I wished I didn't know him. He's a monster, and in all that time I was imprisoned, he didn't even change. What have you done Shura? You should have done something. Changed him. But you rested and didn't care about that monster and what he was doing. Did you know he killed? Do you know how many? It was my job to bury them! Two hundrets of children, and that wasn't even everything. Anush should have died, you should have killed him" she said and stared at the ceiling. I turned my head up to her. "I was a child, and now I'm not even an adult. I couldn't have done a thing. And since your death he was brutal and hard to me. He was so strict, I didn't had a chance" I explained. "Well, then I have to kill him" she insisted. "No. Not yet. Please" I said. "Do you want to suffer? Two days have passed and you're already that weak" she laughed. I smiled as I realised that I was soon to be saved by my love. Just one day, One day until Levi came to rescue me. "Just one day. I want to talk to him in one day. I need to" I said. "What about?" she asked curious. "I want to ask him about his childhood. I want to know why he turned out like that" I answered. It was the truth. I wanted to know what caused his unusual behaviour. Why didn't he turn out like everyone else? Why was he insane? "I can tell you, that he was very nice until he turned 8. Then he started to hurt me, and kill small animals. I can't remember everything. I was only 5 years old. Mother told me a bit about it. How he started to bully his classmates, how he hurt me on purpose. But she said, that it was his natural behaviour. There was nothing she could have done" Tamara explained. I nodded. "He will remember" I said. "I don't think he will tell you" Tamara answered. There was a knock on the door. "Lisa, you can enter" she said. Lisa entered the room. she gave Tamara a letter and turned to me. "Oh girl, you're so weak! here, have some of this soup" she shouted. Then she sat me up and helped me eating the soup. "Is there meat in it?" I asked curious. "No, it's vegetarian" Lisa answered. "I want meat" I whispered and closed my eyes. "Don't close your eyes, stay awake" Tamara assisted Lisa and shook me. I opened my eyes again. "Here, water. Drink it" she said. I drank the water in big sips. "You're doing it very good. That's good" Lisa said. The two women smiled at each other. "I missed you. Lady Tamara" Lisa said. "You're my best friend, after all this time" Tamara smiled and hugged her. I finished the soup with Tamara's help. "Is there anything else I can do?" Lisa sked. "Go to Anush and ask him if he can talk to Shura. She wants to know some things. But wait until tomorrow. I will bring her to bed" Tamara said. Lisa nodded, took the plate and left the room. "Her daughter, Eve is a cadet of the Survey Corps now" I told Tamara. "That's good. That poor girl suffered so much under Anush when he hit her and bullied her on purpose. But you two were very good friends and you kept comforting her" she said and grabbed me on my arms. "We are now, too. I met her with the Survey Corps. But this time she was comforting me." I told her and smiled. Those were happy memories. Tamara dragged me to her bed and laid me on it. Then she pulled a blanket over me. "Sleep well Shura" she said and kissed me on the forehead. Then she left the room, turned out the lights and closed the door behing her. I heard the key in the lock. Three times. After all she locked the door three times. She still did n't trust me enough to left the door unlocked. I had only a few hours left until I was either free or dead. I smiled at the thought of Levi saving me. He saved me once, he would save me again. And I would be forever thankful for him.

I woke up by some hitting me across the face. "Shit, what had happened?" I asked confused and opened my eyes. I saw Anush towering above me. "Wake up slut" he shouted at me. He took my arm with great force and dragged me out of the bed. I fell to the ground and bruised my hip. "Wait, I'll stand up" I said and tried to push me up. "You will do as I say" He said and threw me to the ground again. I cried out in pain. "What's that about?" I asked slightly annoyed and angry. "You wanted to talk to me. You think you can order me around?" Anush shouted. "Well obviously I can. You came as I pleased" I smiled. Being brave wasn't very wise, but I wanted to show him that I'm not his little girl. His foot found his way hard into my guts. I screamed but ended up laughing. "Shura, I see you turned just as insane as I am" Anush said and hold my head between his hands. "I'm so proud of what you are now" he whispered. "I'm not insane" I answered. Then I spit into his face. He growled and threw me away. "No, you aren't insane. You're suicidal. And that's a form of insanity too" he smiled but his voice told he he was angry and not happy. And he was right. Suicide was insanity too. And on that point of view, I was insane too. "I'm insane, but not like you. Whatever turned you insane, it didn't turn me insane" I said and tried to push the conversation into the direction I wanted. "You want to know why I am insane?" he asked and sat to the ground. "Well then I'll tell you" he continued and hit me again with his feet. Well that went better than I thought. "It was my father. He abused me since I was three years old. He sexually abused me. At the age of six, he forced me to hurt girls younger than me. At first I didn't know them, but then I was told to hurt Tamara. And I did it. And surprisingly I liked it. Her screaming and her tears. How she pleased me to stop. How she told me she loved me more than everything just to make me stop and that I shouldn't hurt her because she was my sister. That's when he started abusing her too. My father was so proud of me. But every time I didn't pleased his wishes and didn't make him proud he tortured me and abused me again. It stopped when Tamara got pregnant from me. We were forced to marry, but she lost the kid. Soon after that he disappeared and was found dead. But the truth was, that we hurt Tamara that much, that I hit her too often and father abused her too much so she lost the kid. And I was so angry that I killed him. That's what happened. And that's why I am insane. But I need a son who continued the family secret. Only the male side of the family is able to hold the secret" he said and laughed. Then he stood up and came to me. "What did you wanted to ask me?" he asked. "Well, you just answered my first queastion and gave me another one. Which sectret?" I asked and smiled at him. "You're not male" he answered. "What a pity. Tell me!" I insisted. He wanted to say something, but a loud crushing sound disturbed him. "Wait here" he said and rushed out of the room. And forgot to lock the door behind him. What did that man think, leaving me like that? What was that secret? Why didn't he lock the door?


	13. Chapter 11

I stepped out of the small room. Silence greeted me and surrounded me. The darkness covered me like a blanket. There was no one, and no sound was audible. "Hello?" I asked brave into the void in front of me. I got no answer. I rushed back into the room and took a blade off the desk in the back. "Now, what shoulf I do?" I asked myself and looked into the black. First of all, I needed a light. I searched in the room where he kept me imprisoned. I found some unused torches and lighted one up at the flame in that room. Then I entered the black. I knew, my father build a labyrinth down here, so I started running aimlessly into one direction. I took a right turn, and after a while I turned left. and soon, I was lost. I only knew the direction I needed to go, but I didn't knew where exactly the way out was. I remembered thet I got lost down here a few years ago. Anush gad told me he had a surprise for me, and he had it hidden somewhere in the mansion. But I would only get it, if I behaved on the late evening's meeting. I was very curious, so I got easily distracted while his friends were playing with me. Then one of them got angry.

"Anush, you told me she would please me" he screamed at my father. "Well she opened her legs and you finished your business inside her, didn't you? She did her job" Anush answered. "I want her to scream in pleasure. I want her to fuck me and I want her to love me. She should want me so hard it hurts" he complained. "Well, take her back and tell her what she has to do. If you mention her surprise, she'll do whatever you want her to do" Ansuh said. I stood naked behind this man. Maximilian Anderson was his name. "Now, go Max" Anush hurried him. Max was a tall man, very muscular but a little slow in his head. He used to fuck his mother, like he told me while he was working on me, but she died a few weeks ago. Now he needed someone else who told him to be loving him. It was usually a call-maid, but today, he wanted me. Something special, like he said. "Come with me babe" Max grounted and dragged me back into my room. "Do what I say and you'll get your surprise earlier" he shouted. But what he asked for was too much for a little girls heart. "I can't" I cried. Max hit me. "Do as I say!", he shouted. I cried even harder, and Max hit me again. "No!", I screamed and tried to run away. Max catched me and trew me on the ground, where he contiunued hitting me. I tasted blood in my mouth, and fainted. When I woke up, I was naked, on a cold metal desk. There was a electric light above me. "Stay still", someone says. It was a female voice. I sat up und looked around me. A woman, hiden underneath a veil, gave me a white nightgown and disappeared. I put on the dress and looked at myself in a mirror on the wall. I looked pretty bad. Max beat me unconscious. "You're awake now? Max beat xou very hard, and then raped you. When i looked after you, you were almost dead. Stand up", my father said after he entered the room. I stood up und reached out for him. Anush pulled me into his arms and kissed me. "I like how obedient you are", he whispered. His hands slid under my dress. "Dad...", I whispered helpless. I didn't want this. Anush undressed me and layed me on the cold table. "Say it", he shouted. I shook my head. Anush hit me, and I screamed. "Say it", he whispered angry. "I-I want you", I cried and closed my eyes. As he pushed into me, I imagined being somewhere else, in a fairy garden. "Gosh, you're so tiny", Anush said and I went back to reality. My father let go of me and stared at me across the room. "Dress yourself and find your surprise", he said and left the room. I dressed myself and left the room too. Only to find myself in a labyrinth. I took a torch off the wall and started to walk. I needed a break after a while, and finding myself in dead ends lowered my mood. I got angry and disappointed, as I continued to walk. My throat was dry and I was almost passing out, that weak I was. I found the exit of the labyrinth. "There you are my little bird. Remember now, if you don't do, as I say or my customers say, I will trow you down there, and let you die", Anush greeted me on top of the stairs. "The surprise?", I asked. "There was never such things as a surprise for you. You're not worth it", Anush laughed and went away.

I felt the tears on my cheeks, but I didn't slow down. Somewhere down here was Levi, and he came to rescue me. "Go on, for god's sake, you can do it", I told myself and continued to walk. The darkness calmed me. Being down here let me think, and remember a lot. I remember the good days, where my father was out on bussiness. I remember playing in the garden, picking flowers, all the flowers and the forest. I remember watching and feeding the horses, caring for the rabbits and cuddling them in the backyard. I remember the summer, playing in the small river nearby, wearing soft dresses, going out into the city for shopping and eating ice cream. I remember winter, baking with the kitchen staff and singing songs with the maids, decorating the mansion and playing hide and seek. I just remembered positive things to light up my mood. I recalled Levi's eyes, how caring he was. I had friends out there, who loved me. I didn't need my family, I didn't need my family's name. I just needed Levi and my friends. "There you are", someone said in the darkness in front of me. "Mum?", I asked confused. I clenched my fist around the blade and swallowed. "You shouldn't wander off", she said and came near me. In her hand rested a small sword. "I will find my way out", I said and pointed the blade at her. "I will kill you", she answered and smiled. The insanity lit up in her eyes. "I will be faster", I shouted and rested the torch at the wall. Then my mother attacked. I ducked unter her sword and hit her dress with my blade. Her dress now hindered her movements and I attacked again. She blocked my attack with her sword, but I pushed her backwards. She stumbled and reached out for the wall. I cut her arm, and went behind her. She trried to turn around but fell to the ground. I jumped on her, but she pointed the sword at me and I had to withdraw. "You are a better figther than me, but my blade is londer", she said and cut down her dress. She tried to stand up, but I cut her swordhand and she let go of the blade. I took the sword and kneeled on top of her, my blade on her throat. "You should have died and stayed dead", I told her and cut her throat. I took the torch and went away. I tossed the sword away at the next turn. Killing my mother was easier than I expected it to be.

I heard the sounds of a battle and knew, I found them. I started to run, the torch in front of me. "Levi!", I shouted. I turned left and found myself in a dead end. I turned around and started to run again, and eventually I saw a ligth at the end of the way. I tossed my torch away and ran into the light. In front of me was a battlefield, filled with guards of my father and my friends. I stabbed a guard in his back and helped Eren. "There you are, Levi is sick of sorrow", he said and went to fight another guard. One of them came towards me and pointed his sword at me. "Who did you killß", he asked me. I looked down and saw, that my clothes stained of my mother's blood. "Tamara", I said and smirked. "You killed your own mother?", he asked in disbelief. "Yes", I nooded and attacked him. Fighting the guard was way harder than fighting my mother. He was trained and one of the best. Plus, i got easily distracted by my suffering friends. "You are a monster", the guard shouted, but he just enraged me. I decided to kill him and moved faster. I ducked under his blade and got behind him. Then I stabbed him in the back. He fell to the ground and stopped moving. Three people died of my hand. I smiled and turned around. I started to like it. I helped killing two other guards, until I reached the stairs to the mansion. "Levi must be there somewhere", Armin shouted and ducked the blade of another guard. I jumped at Armin's side and killed the guard by stabbing him aimlessly. "You're insane", Armin said. "I killed my mother", I said and smiled. "Stop that, that's creepy", he laughed, but I saw the worry in his eyes, and the fear. Fear of me. I turned around and helped my friends to kill the rest. "Let's look for Levi", Eren said. "What happened to you?", Mikasa asked. I was surprised of her concern. We started to climb the stairs. "I don't want to talk about it", I said and shrugged my shoulders. "You don't have to", my bestie said. I showed them the way to the great hall, where Levi was battling my father. "She's worth fighting for!", Levi shouted and blocked my father's attacks. "She's pregnant with my child, I'm fighting for my kid!", he said and continued to attack Levi. Levi was already badly wounded, and blood stained his clothes. His own blood. "Yes, but she's still worth it!", Levi shouted and attacked Anush. My father had trouble to keep up, because Levi continued to move faster, and his attacks grew stronger. "She doesn't even love you. She just loves the idea of loving someone", Anush said and smiled. "She never fell inlove, and after all that happened to her, I wonder if she will ever truly love someone", he said and laughed. levi stopped and raised his blade to defense. "She loves me", he whispered. His eyes darkened. "Do not insult her. Never say something about her, you're not certain about. And never, never ever say she wouldn't love me!", Levi screamed. He raised his blade again for a final attack. Anush smiled. "She told me", he said. In disbelief, I took my blade and started t run towards him. "You liar!", I screamed, but Eren jumped at me and trew me to the ground. My disagreeing shout fainted in the air. Anush and Levi didn't hear me. "Let go Eren, I have to finish him off!", I said and tried to free myself of him. Armin took my blade and hid it behind his back. "I'm sorry", he said. Eren helped me up and we continued to watch their battle. Eren still hold me back. Levi took a step forwards, and Anush raised his sword to attack too. He stepped forwards, and Levi moved his blade. So did Anush.

 _A/N: This is it. The end. It's up to you how you imagine it ending. I don't want to write it, because an happy end is unrealistic, but a sad end is breaking my heart. Thanks to all, who read it, even though it's such a bad story. I'm really thankfull!_

 ** _Itte Kimasu!_**


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